Grumpasaurus.com

Yet more proof that conservatives are like kryptonite to irony. Or subtlety. Or plain meaning, for that matter.

Lennonism [John J. Miller]

K Lo: I’m with you on “Imagine” — love the piano, hate the lyrics. A band called A Perfect Circle has a great cover version. The music is bleak and the vocals are subdued. It’s a much-needed deconstruction of the song. It’s like the anti-”Imagine.” I’m not sure the musicians intended it that way, but that’s the result, by my lights. Definitely worth a 99-cent download.

A few things:

1. The Perfect Circle cover is fairly horrible as a piece of music, actually. It’s like awesomeness on valium, sifted through gauze, and then drained of life force. Which is not to say the original Imagine is awesome, but the cover was filtered through that mysterious substance known as AwesomeX
2. I’m sure that Miller, should he choose to investigate, would love the much-needed deconstruction of Maynard James Keenan (whom I personally think is fantabulous; he’s the singer. Also, a vet!). See also: Dirty Harry by Gorillaz, Born in the USA by Springsteen, And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda by The Pogues, et. al. Don’t forget Gandhi!
3. Imagine by Perfect Circle was recorded in 2003 and released in 2004. Hmm… that time seems so familiar. Anyone remember what was happening around that time? Anyone. Drawing a blank here.
4. One might, uh, imagine that in this here world of the internetwebby thing, the video might be on the YT, and might, you know, display the intent of the artists:

Eye Rollers, Idiots, Music, Wingnuttia

What the fuck is this socialist welfare begging shit that Juggs is doing?

Atlas does not live by words alone, contribute to the damn thing!
Seriously, it takes enormous time and effort to build this alternative media outlet, help Atlas run. Go here, or I’ll have to get a day job (as opposed to this day and night job).

UPDATE: Checking out the PO Box thing….at $40 bucks a month, not going there. Email me offline at AtlasShrugs2000 at 1 o l and I’ll give you an address.

Pick yourself by your own bootstraps, you big whiner!

The best part is that her legion (well, troop. OK, squad… squadlette) of supporters can’t figure out to get her any money. Read the comments. Savor them. Especially this one:

Call me a dummy if you will. I had to make a pay pal account. that done, now in the dang box of where to send money..where do I send it? WHERE? Please explain. don’t tell me to Atlas Shrugged it has only a place for an email address. DUH!!!

Juggyfreude! The sockpuppet/pump primer comments are equally awesome. And by awesome, I mean risible.

I tried to figure out a way to send some custard, but I couldn’t find the appropriate button. Guess I’m just a big dummy.

No, wait, this is my favorite comment:

PayPal worked for me, but, for the first time ever, I was assessed an $8.99 shipping charge.

Hahahahaha!!! She put in a shipping charge on her automated PayPal donation thingy! The trucks in Teh Tubes needz gas to get there!

Via the best site in the universe¹, we get the best comment ever (which totally stole my idea, bitches!²).

Went over to Titz-on-a-Blintz to see how Pammy’s fundraising was going and inquired if she paid for her breast implants with a similar blog beg. First time I ever had a comment deleted anywhere.

Generally I’m sympathetic to dispossessed women with children in tow. Not so much this fucktard. She should be mocked. Mercilessly. Maybe she can take those fake tits that her ex paid for and leverage them into her 2009 calendar. “Genocidal Hobag ’09″ does have a certain ring to it, no?

Pathetic, Wingnuttia

The Straits of Tonkin incident… watch for yourself, then read:

Yesterday

Watch the tape for yourself–no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly claim that the boats shown were not acting in a threatening and reckless manner. And Majd has absolutely no evidence on which to base his accusation that the Pentagon manufactured or concocted any of this.

Today

Just two days after the U.S. Navy released the eerie video of Iranian speedboats swarming around American warships, which featured a chilling threat in English, the Navy is saying that the voice on the tape could have come from the shore or from another ship.

The near-clash occurred over the weekend in the Strait of Hormuz. On the U.S.-released recording, a voice can be heard saying to the Americans, “I am coming to you. You will explode after a few minutes.”

The Navy never said specifically where the voices came from, but many were left with the impression they had come from the speedboats because of the way the Navy footage was edited.

Humor, Idiots, Wingnuttia

Looks like the righty punditocracy is already afraid enough of Obama to start pulling the stupidest shit imaginable out of their asses in order to Gore-ize his potential candidacy. (if you don’t want to click, they’re comparing Obama’s sartorial style to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Because they’re linked, you see. Plus, “Obama” sounds like “Osama” … which is totally fun-nay! Hee! Kewl kids rule!

Hmm… Bush likes to parade around in military-ish uniforms. Hey, you know who else had a penchant for wearing military uniforms they had no right wearing? Herman Goering!

At least one of these two also liked drugs (cocaine and/or morphine). At least one of these two also liked getting sodomized while wearing a feather boa and fishnet stockings. I’ll let you figure out which.

Eye Rollers, Idiots, Media, Politics, Wingnuttia

UN-hating UN ambassador slash incompetent nincompoop slash singlehanded destroyer of the North Korean negotiations slash ridiculous moustache affectation wearing buffoon slash administration official who grants exclusive interviews to D-list insane groupie bloggers John Bolton resigns.

I’d start the LGF-spawned PamAtlas/BoltonGroupie71 suicide watch, but it appears others are already hot on this particular trail.

Goodbye, John. You will not be missed. At all.

Update: call the ShruggyTears hotline, quick! Also bigoted self hater Magalangalong. And the stoptheACLU cheetos-stained humanoid. Good times, good times.

Normally, the Busheviks bury news like this on a Friday. Bush’s temper tantrum/throwing Rove under the bus is already paying dividends.

Awesome, Idiots, News, Politics, Wingnuttia

See, in my America, we have freedom of religion and no official State religion

Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Koran.

He should not be allowed to do so — not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American civilization.

Bigoted, much?

For that matter, why the hell does anyone have to swear on any book at all? The entire setup is ridiculous and unconstitutional from any rational (that is, non-Christianist, non-Scalia) point of view.

Just another day in right blogistan, of course, but this way of thinking is entirely antithetical to the supposed American ideals of freedom of and freedom from religion, not to mention freedom of expression, personal responsibility, and personal integrity.

Thanks to Prager and Clownhall for demonstrating what it is they believe in yet again – authoritarian, bigoted, christianity. Good on ya.

Idiots, Religion, Wingnuttia

As an update to a previous post, it is now conclusively proven that there is no God.

Republicans Friday chose Rep. John Boehner as minority leader, succeeding Speaker Dennis Hastert in the top GOP leadership post for the Democratic-controlled House that convenes in January.

Laura Ingraham’s God has forsaken her. What will Laura do now?

America, Media, News, Politics, Religion, Wingnuttia

If Michael “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order” Pence is not the next House minority leader, then there is no God.

After hosting Pence on her conservative talk show Tuesday, Laura Ingraham remarked: “If there is a God in heaven, he will be the next House minority leader.”

Following Ingraham’s logic,1 if Pence is not the next House minority leader then there is no God in heaven. When it doesn’t happen, who are you going to worship then?

Care to double down, Laura?

1. Yes, yes. If A then B does not necessarily imply that not A equals not B. Given Ingraham’s construction it seems pretty clear to me that she is establishing that A (God) implies B (Pence as minority leader). In order for this to be true, the contrapositive (not B then not A) has to apply as well, so not B (Pence not minority leader) has to be not A (no God) for the construction to hold.

Idiots, Media, Wingnuttia

Continuing an earlier thread, Goldberg didn’t get around to his “Conservatism didn’t fail the GOP, the GOP failed conservatism” post until 11/9. In response to his tardiness, I’m linking to his post 6 days later.

Of course in his inimitable idiot way, Goldberg contradicts his whole point within his article:

Of all these arguments, the only two you are likely to hear ad nauseam are: too much social conservatism and too much war.

Oops. If the GOP is too socially conservative and the GOP failed in the election and failure is defined as “not winning”, then… looks like conservatism did fail, now dinnit?

He starts to say something about how social conservatism brings as many votes as macacas blacks and labor combined … but it’s obviously only as many votes as blacks and labor combined -1.

Doughy’s got the sweetest gig in the world. A sugar momma momma/puppetmaster and… no, wait. That’s all he’s got. Well, good on ya with the lucky parent thing.

Idiots, Politics, Wingnuttia

Who are the American terrorists? Military tribunals aside, we know they’re not muslims or brown people, generally speaking (DC snipers and Seattle Jewish center assassin excepted). No, the anthrax-sending, bomb-detonating domestic terrorists are, by and large, conservative white males. Here’s the profile of Chad Conrad Castagana, self-posted as a freeper and Chrisitan Nationalist:

I am a lifelong Conservative Republican .

I have an Associates Degree in the Science of Electronics .

Ann Coulter is a Goddess and I worship Laura Ingraham and Michele Malkin .

English is the langauge of the United States of America- – our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution are written in the langauge that expresses our civilized freedoms .

Spanish is the language of Banana Republics, beyond that it belongs in a European country.

Here’s the CN part:

Liberals and Lefties everywhere in America’s institutions are trying to slowly but increasingly ban Christianity from America, from our site, from our discourse !
They have already succeded in banning any sign of Christianity from ourPublic Schools ! !

If THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST were released today for the first time, it would be slapped with an NC-17 rating !

If anyone ever says that the eliminationist language of the right, used by their media talking heads on down to the vermin on LGF, is of no consequence or no threat, then I suggest you point them to the ever growing list of blood-soaked domestic terrorists Orcinus is keeping.

America, Evil, News, Wingnuttia

War is Peace. Ignorance is Strength.

Continuing the ongoing thread LaMoron Barber weighs in with yet another “conservatism didn’t fail, the GOP did” editorial. She’s also carrying the bullshit meme about how conservatism actually won in this 2006 midterm election.

Republican politicians may have been ousted, but conservative policies prevailed, particularly the ban on so-called same sex marriage. Something similar happened during the 2004 presidential election. In response to a Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruling declaring the state’s ban on homosexual “marriage” unconstitutional, all 11 states with measures protecting marriage passed those measures, including states that [former presidential candidate] Sen. John Kerry won.

Despite clearly supporting certain conservative ideals, voting Americans rejected the men behind the policies.

So tell me, LaMoron, conservatism is passing an increase in the minimum wage everywhere it was proposed?

Conservative ideals rejected the anti-choice, pro-women’s reproductive freedom bill in South Dakota?

Conservative ideals rejected anti-choice, pro-women’s reporductive freedom notification laws in Oregon and California?

Conservative ideals supported stem cell research in Missouri?

Conservative ideals opposed ending the estate tax in Washington?

Conservative ideals rejected a ban on same-sex marriages in Arizona?

Conservative ideals defeated Kansas AG Phil “I seize women’s abortion records” Kline’s reelection bid?

I’m not even sure what conservatism means anymore. Is Heath Shuler considered a conservative for his economic values or a liberal for his socialist/populist labor opinions?

Was it conservatism that placed a woman from San Francisco at the head of one of our branches of the legislature?

No, of course not. What actually happened was an American populace that finally, finally, voted for candidates that actually reflect what they believe rather than support a tiny minority of theocratic authoritarians with a deep south power base and outlook. The trogolodytes are finally being put back in the dank, dark cave from whence they came. It’s also where they’re happiest, eating blind cave fish and developing mucus-skin coverings that bioluminesce in the presence of forbidden thoughts.

Also, we can put away the “Karl Rove is a genius” myth finally and permanently. He got his ass handed to him for years down in Texas and his successes from 1998-2004 were closer to accidents than products of design (in particular, that “air of invincibility” thing was risible and always has been. He just got lucky in 2000).

He’s still an amoral, corrupt, sociopathic little turdblossom of course. But genius? Not so much.

Eye Rollers, Idiots, Politics, Wingnuttia

Professional Bush fellator Fred Barnes edition

KARL ROVE SAID LAST YEAR that the question of realignment–whether Republicans have at last become the majority party–would be decided by the election of 2004. And it has. Even by the cautious reckoning of Rove, President Bush’s chief political adviser, Republicans now have both an operational majority in Washington (control of the White House, Senate, and the House of Representatives) and an ideological majority in the country (51 percent popular vote for a center-right president). They also control a majority of governorships, a plurality of state legislatures, and are at rough parity with Democrats in the number of state legislators. Rove says that under Bush a “rolling realignment” favoring Republicans continues, and he’s right. So Republican hegemony in America is now expected to last for years, maybe decades.

Humor, News, Politics, Wingnuttia

Sour grapes from the self hating bigot Malkin

The GOP lost. Conservatism prevailed.

See also: RS #1

The movement shall never die! See also:

The Party did not fail the people. The people failed the Party.

and

Marxism did not fail: it was never tried

Others: shorter Thomas @ RS, in quite the exquisite violent fabulist post – the Dems didn’t beat us, we impaled ourselves on long poles and slowly felt the sharpened wooden spikes crawl through our intestines, eventually piercing our hearts as our bowels are voided and shit runs down our legs. Oh wait, that’s not shorter.

The Democrats did not win this battle. We locked our finest spears in the ground and plunged ourselves upon them.

RS #3

Buncha commies. The lot of them.

Humor, Hypocrisy, Idiots, Irony, Wingnuttia

From the Iraqi document project thing, comes this tidbit

Among the dozens of documents in English were Iraqi reports written in the 1990s and in 2002 for United Nations inspectors in charge of making sure Iraq had abandoned its unconventional arms programs after the Persian Gulf war. Experts say that at the time, Mr. Hussein’s scientists were on the verge of building an atom bomb, as little as a year away.

In response, this is what instacracker said:

Kind of undercuts that whole “Bush lied about WMD” thing.

So… the fact that Saddam could have had nukes in 1992 undercuts the Bush lies about WMDs in 2003? Who said you needed reading comprehension to be a law perfesser?

The perfesser, as is his practice, has updated his page to add the following bits which tone done his idiocy without fully backing away from his initial position:

Actually, it was 1991, I believe, but this does underscore why WMD fears were reasonable, especially as Saddam was trying to restart things
…
Judging from some of the delighted emails I’m getting, I need to warn people not to get too carried away — this doesn’t say that Saddam would have had a bomb in 2004. But it does say that he had all the knowledge needed to have a bomb in short order. And as we know he was looking to reconstitute his program once sanctions were ended — and that sanctions were breaking down in 2003 — that’s pretty significant.

You know who else has the knowledge to build a nuclear bomb? Me. Better sanction me now, because I am dangerous. Knowledge without means is not an imminent threat, nor does the reiteration of previously known information that Iraq had knowledge of how to go nuclear justify lies that they were actually doing so or had already done so.

And no, cracker, that’s not significant at all.

Proving that he has even less reading skills than the ‘ol perfessor, professional eliminationist bigot Charles Johnson of LGF also says

Is the New York Times actually conceding that Saddam was just a year away from having a nuclear weapon in 2002?

I’ll type slowly so Johnson can understand: no.

Wingnuttia

Now, far be it from me to criticize the limerick form – quite possibly the single best form of prose ever invented – but I thought I’d share this little wingnugget… which barely qualifies as suburban whitebread wannabe gangsta-rick, much less any actual recognizable poetry[fn1]. Enjoy.

Junior’s mantra is “bore em
Put em to sleep and Al Gore em
Cause I’m not too bright
Can’t hope to excite
Voters like Ricky Santorum”

Responses in senryu:

and an actual limerick:

Note to the nugget: rhyming “em” with “em” is fantastically stupid. I aplaud your Cletus-like lack of imagination and vocabulary. Well played, sir/madam.

Idiots, Wingnuttia