She also thanked her supporters — including Dobson, who said he and his wife were asking “for God’s intervention” on election day — for their prayers of support.

“It is that intercession that is so needed,” she said. “And so greatly appreciated. And I can feel it too, Dr. Dobson. I can feel the power of prayer, and that strength that is provided through our prayer warriors across this nation. And I so appreciate it.”

So… I’m guessing Sarracuda isn’t one of those Jesus-the-lamb types. We probably already knew that.

Given this and her $150,000 on campaign clothes, she’s a perfect fit for a televangelist. I see her taking over the 700 club and taking the place, not of Tammy Faye, but of Robertson. There’s another glass ceiling to shatter!

Note also:

In an interview posted online Wednesday, Sarah Palin told Dr. James Dobson of “Focus on the Family” that she is confident God will do “the right thing for America” on Nov. 4.

I’m looking forward to Palin and the Dobson brigade’s admission on Nov 5th, after Barack Obama has been elected, that God did “the right thing for America.”

On September 20 and 21, I attended services at the church Sarah Palin belonged to since she was an adolescent, the Wasilla Assembly of God. Though Palin officially left the church in 2002, she is listed on its website as “a friend,” and spoke there as recently as June 8 of this year.

I went specifically to see a pastor visiting from Kiambu, Kenya named Thomas Muthee. Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle, thus liberating his town from sin and opening its people to the spirit of Jesus.

Muthee’s mounting stardom took him to Wasilla Assembly of God in May, 2005, where he prayed over Palin and called upon Jesus to propel her into the governor’s mansion — and beyond. Muthee also implored Jesus to protect Palin from “the spirit of witchcraft.” The video archive of that startling sermon was scrubbed from Wasilla Assembly of God’s website, but now it has reappeared.

Palin appears onstage ~the 7:00 mark to be anointed “God’s instrument” in government.

To recap:
1. Palin, a hard core theocratic extremist and member of hard-right church with no qualms about dictating societal norms, is elected mayor of Wasilla, AK (pop. 9,000).
2. Palin shortly thereafter “inquires” of the town librarian how she would react “if” Palin asked her to remove some books from the library (alternatively, Palin inquires about the “procedure” for book removal. No threat there!)
3. Librarian says that the books were acquired properly and she will not remove any of them.
4. Librarian is fired.
(postscript: community is outraged, Librarian is reinstated shortly thereafter)

Nope, definitely no authoritarian Queen of Hearts correlation there.

Elections have consequences, and if these dipshits somehow convince enough people to vote against their own interests to be elected then get ready for a whole lot of Säuberung. Oh frabjous day!

Now I want a McCain edition. Just show the Grim Reaper, that’ll be best.

To be clear: the above is clearly satire… it’s just poorly done, unfunny, and unimaginative. You know, like the typical dreck you find in the excruciatingly unentertaining New Yorker.

Update:

I’ll give the nutters at NatRev $50 if they run a similar cover.

To actually be analytical, though, Horsey gets it wrong as well even in his satirical response. For example, Osama is the enemy of all Americans, hero to none; Cheney is the enemy of thinking Americans, but hero to many. Not to mention that the counter response to the Obama outrage always, always ignores the actual and continuing impact of race and gender and the tyranny of the dominant class upon the marginalized groups. Anyway, enough of the critical thinking, fuck the New Yorker for being a bunch of socially rigid ponces.

Update: Here’s how it’s done.

Update: Vanity Fair responds

I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.

This, ladies and gents, is the true voice of the base of the current GOP. Ye reap what ye sow, piggies.

One question: which god are we talking about here? The petulant spoiled brat of the first half of the book or the dirty fucking hippie of the second? Actually, which gawdly book are we talking about? I want the one with the free slurpees and fields of bubble wrap to roll around in.

Update: It looks like the Ayatollah is advocating some very-Jesus friendly sodomy-type activity

You don’t like people from outside the state coming in and telling you what to do with your flag,” the former governor of Arkansas told a crowd in Myrtle Beach, where he was campaigning in advance of the state’s Republican primary on Saturday. “In fact, if somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we’d tell them what to do with the pole, that’s what we’d do.

I’m pretty sure that shoving objects in body cavities isn’t in either halves of the christ gawd book. On the other hand, a lot of people who read those do seem to unduly obsess themselves over controlling other people’s poles.

The Roman Catholic Church has effectively buried the concept of limbo, the place where centuries of tradition and teaching held that babies who die without baptism went.

In a long-awaited document, the Church’s International Theological Commission said limbo reflected an “unduly restrictive view of salvation,” according to the U.S.-based Catholic News Service, which obtained a copy on Friday.

The thumbs-down verdict on limbo had been expected for years and the document, called “The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised,” was seen as most likely to be final since limbo was never formally part of Church doctrine.

Pope Benedict authorized the publication of the document.

Seriously? WTF?

Hey, at least they’ve still got purgatory.

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.

Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

…

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

I… I… ehhhh, there’s really no need to snark in a witty-yet-devastatingly-cutting way, is there? Res ipsa, baby!

Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Koran.

He should not be allowed to do so — not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American civilization.

Bigoted, much?

For that matter, why the hell does anyone have to swear on any book at all? The entire setup is ridiculous and unconstitutional from any rational (that is, non-Christianist, non-Scalia) point of view.

Just another day in right blogistan, of course, but this way of thinking is entirely antithetical to the supposed American ideals of freedom of and freedom from religion, not to mention freedom of expression, personal responsibility, and personal integrity.

Thanks to Prager and Clownhall for demonstrating what it is they believe in yet again – authoritarian, bigoted, christianity. Good on ya.

Republicans Friday chose Rep. John Boehner as minority leader, succeeding Speaker Dennis Hastert in the top GOP leadership post for the Democratic-controlled House that convenes in January.

Laura Ingraham’s God has forsaken her. What will Laura do now?

Yeah, here’s the promo video:

Mmmm… feel the mysogyny and objectification. Women as chattel and daddy’s little sex objects… it’s not just for medieval breakfast anymore, it’s a money making evangelical hypocrisy based industry!

Guess doing all those magazine covers didn’t boost her votes enough. Looks like some personal assistant is going to get fired.

Sure, sure, she says it was a joke and of course I believe it was… but it’s way funnier this way. Besides anyone who sings the shit AI-er Underwood puts out does not deserve to receive any award other than a Razzie:

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this all my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

Believe it or not, the song’s actually worse with the melody. Don’t believe me?

Don’t say I didn’t warned you. She does get credit for recording her video in a pawn shop, though. Nothing like $0.10 vases and glassware to set the stage for jebus’ taking your wheel and rubbing you in a circular motion, with some slow loving hot hands creeping up your thighs. Hot!

By the way, how do conservative christianists reconcile their supposed “personal responibility” principles with their welfare state reliance upon jebus/god’s provisions?

Now, the story is that a male prostitute came forward and said that he had an ongoing 3 year relationship with evangelical Reverend Ted Haggard. This relationship included a lot of sex and, by the way, a bunch of crystal meth. There was an immediate statement of support from Haggard’s group (the National Association of Evangelicals, of which he is the president), that was then withdrawn and a press conference was cancelled, followed shortly thereafter by Haggard’s resignation. So we knew something was up.

… and now, here’s the denial:

The Rev. Ted Haggard admitted Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the former head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

He bought the meth but didn’t smoke it.
He bought the whore but didn’t fuck it.[fn1]

Riiiight. 2 year olds come up with better excuses.

Bonus points for wingnut LaShawn Barber who came up with the following justification (prior to this awesome denial by Haggard):

Having said all that, I have to say this: No Christian should be surprised that Haggard may have given in to his perverted thoughts and turned them into perverted actions. It’s a temptation we all face (temptation in general, people, not necessarily the same-sex kind).

As Borat would say: we make to commit sex crime now? Niiiice.

FN1. I know “it” is objectification of a human being… but I the lines didn’t flow the same when “him” or “‘im” was used. I need a plosive there. Suggestions?

The Houston-based preacher said he believes that the Bush administration has delayed the second coming because U.S. foreign policy has blocked Christian missionaries from working in Iraq, Iran and Syria.

“Somebody needs to say enough is enough,” he said to worshippers who stood, waved and called out in support.

…

Paul, who claimed to support conservative political leaders in the past, is launching “a crusade to save America from the wrath of God and Republicans abusing their power,” according to his press materials.

…

“God is mad at this country,” Paul told the congregation. He described the war in Iraq as “unnecessary genocide.”

That’s the danger with courting the rabid dog radicals. Some day, they’re going to turn on you… for not being radical enough.

The pop singer, 48, was in a Hollywood strip club when he offered gyrating dancers double their wages to stop dancing, according to The Sun.

The ladies were strutting their stuff at top club Xenii when Prince reportedly told them that it was “wrong to dance like that”.

He added: “What would your parents think if they could see you now?

“You’re too good for this. You shouldn’t be selling yourself so cheap.”

This is a musical genius unfettered by dogma and fully engaged with life:

I hope the sanctimonious proselytizing prick version of Prince goes away in his next revolution. I’m not going to be holding my breath, though. He’s really, really into Jesus.

Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, and to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work

Looks like the GOP GOTV efforts this cycle at bringing the noise, bringin teh fundy isn’t working so well. I’ve been wondering when those idiots would realize they were being led by the nose by a party that promises the world but never follows through and abandon that party. Not that they’ll vote Dem, of course (no way, too many brownies in the Dems), but they won’t go to the polls for the GOP.

It’s a lot like crazy holocaust denier and anti-Semit Gibson’s My Bloody Masochistic Torture Orgasm Movie, where the fundies came out in droves herds. Nothing else is going to get those particular people to the movies, so unless they can be baited with another exercise in snuff porn, they’re just going to stay away.

Anyway, this election cycle, it looks like it may be happening. Witness:

The Nashville rally was almost canceled after organizers failed to sell the 6,000 tickets they needed to fill the city’s Municipal Auditorium, forcing them to hold the event in the Two Rivers Church. Similar events in recent weeks in Minneapolis-St. Paul and Pittsburgh also drew smaller-than-anticipated crowds.
…
Jerry Sutton, the senior pastor at Two Rivers Baptist Church in Nashville, said he believed Dobson’s effort would pay off. “There is a concerted effort to say conservative voters are going to stay home this year because they are disgusted with Mark Foley,” Sutton, 54, said. “It’s not going to work. Our congregation, we did voter registrations twice. They are very, very motivated to vote.”

I think his church should be renamed the Boss Daley Baptists. Their softball team is murder.

I seem to recall a certain IRS provision for 501(c)(3) tax exempt organizations regarding political activities. What was it again? Oh yes, nonprofit religious groups may not advocate for political parties.

Under the Internal Revenue Code, all section 501(c)(3) organizations are absolutely prohibited from directly or indirectly participating in, or intervening in, any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for elective public office.

Of course the IRS isn’t going to investigate this or revoke their tax exempt status. That would be targeting religiosity! They would never do that. Unless you make liberal, anti-Bushevik, or antiwar statement.

Not that stopping the fundie zombies from coming out on Nov. 7th is going to be sufficient for the Dems to take control, of course. In addition to the previously mentioned tactics by the GOP, there’s also a huge bias in our gerrymandered country in favor of the GOP.

If Bush had received the exact same vote share in 2004 that he received in 2000 (that is, 48 percent), he still would have managed to win in 239 of the nation’s 435 House districts—or almost 55 percent. He actually won 255 districts in 2004, or almost 59 percent, while winning around 51 percent of the vote (slightly higher if the calculation excludes Ralph Nader’s one percent). In other words, House districts are now drawn so that an evenly divided country can produce surprisingly lopsided GOP victories. Indeed, the Republicans gained seats in the House in 2004 only because of Tom DeLay’s redistricting scheme in Texas.

I’ve gotten a bit off track here, but to reiterate, the GOP has lost the fundie hordes for the moment.

See also: billmon

This kit is excellent for any girl! Over 50 items enclosed including the Purity Pledge, the Pink Abstinence Card , valuable information on STD’s and your worth as a girl created by God! From nail enamel quick dry spray, a cute polka dot shower cap to nail glue, a pre-threaded sewing kit, and a dual make up sharpener…this kit is for you! Great for going off to College the Birthday Girl or even a COMING OF AGE gift for when she finally gets her period.

So… you get the purity thing, go to a formal ball with daddy where you recite a creepy pledge of your vagina to your father as his property to do with as he pleases (supposedly to give away, but we all know how that works out), but then what? I’m assuming the vagina dentata is in there at some point as well as the more feudal chastity belt… but then what?

And what does purity have to do with a nail enamel quick dry spray or a cute polka dot shower cap? Should you even be taking showers? I mean, to take showers, you have to be nekkid. Presumably. Is there are purity prophylactic for the shower time so you bitches don’t see your own daaaaangerous nekkidness? Maybe a Purity blindfold? Mix the purity blindfold with the pledge to daddy and you’ve got the makings of some serious spin the bottle times.

Oh, and by “survivor” in the product name above, they do not mean of rape or molestation, as one might assume. Nor do they mean someone who survived the Holocaust. No, they mean … well, I’m not sure really, but I think it has something to do with being a shitty driver. Or possibly a narcoleptic. Or both.

See, I don’t not want a daughter only because of the looming nightmare of their teenage years and predatory 30 year old accountants – no! – I also don’t want them to have to grow up in a world where they have to fight this malevolent, ignorant, self-hateful bullshit every day. My hat’s off to you wimmin for making the development of homocidal maniacs of your gender the exception rather than the rule.

Update: I was going to end there, but then I kept following stuff about the Purity Balls and pledges and shit and then OMFG. What is up with these people? (Dobson-fueled Focus on the Family, of course)

Katie giggles as she waits for her date to come around and open the car door. The pair enters an ice cream shop. She sits down at the table as her date gently pushes in her chair. He takes her hand from across the table and asks, “What flavor would you like tonight, Sugar?” Katie smiles and says, “I’ll have chocolate, Daddy.”

More and more fathers are becoming aware of their influence and regularly dating their daughters.

“The research clearly says that daddies make all the difference in the world,” says Kevin Leman, national speaker and author of What a Difference Daddy Makes. “I have tremendously more impact on my daughter than my wife does.”

Did everyone else out there just vomit in their mouths a little bucketload? Yeeeesh.

The firing of Melanie Martinez, 34, marks the second PBS moral values scandal. The first was the censorship of the “Postcards from Buster” episode last year where Buster the Bunny, who regularly visits families in every episode, went to visit a family with two mommies. Previous families featured in “Postcards” episodes have included Mormons, Hmong and Pentecostal Christians.

Melanie Martinez was fired from her position as host of PBS KIDS Sprout’s “The Good Night Show” because she appeared in two 30-second online films when she was 27, “Technical Virgin” and “Boys Can Wait,” that spoofed abstinence-only education. The PBS ombudsman dedicated two of his columns to voice his opposition to the firing of Melanie, but her job wasn’t saved. Melanie says there is no lawsuit in sight.

The Technical Virgin parodies were genius and not inappropriate (the videos have all been taken down so far as I can tell, or I’d link them). Martinez’ firing is on par with that schoolteacher who was fired for taking a class to a museum where a nude statue was seen. This statue:

© Thomas Hawk

Ooooh, yeah, baby. Can’t you just feel the prurient interests being piqued?

Feel free to sign the petition to PBS about Martinez, though she’s already been replaced.

What the hell is this country coming to?

We’re going to help the Iraqi people. Remember, 12 million of them voted in elections last December. That probably seems like a decade ago to you, but when the history is finally written, it will be just a comma. Twelve million people stood up in the face of assassins and car bombers and said, we want to be free.

As has been pointed out (and is again pointed out in the linked article), the “comma” wording is code language for the fundies. Bush’s repetition of the phrase is all the proof that we need to know that it is intentional.

President Bush said yesterday that he senses a “Third Awakening” of religious devotion in the United States that has coincided with the nation’s struggle with international terrorists, a war that he depicted as “a confrontation between good and evil.”

Bartleby’s has details on the other awakenings.

At the Veterans Memorial Cemetery in the small town of Fernley, Nev., there is a wall of brass plaques for local heroes. But one space is blank. There is no memorial for Sgt. Patrick D. Stewart.

That’s because Stewart was a Wiccan, and the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs has refused to allow a symbol of the Wicca religion — a five-pointed star within a circle, called a pentacle — to be inscribed on U.S. military memorials or grave markers.

The department has approved the symbols of 38 other faiths; about half of are versions of the Christian cross. It also allows the Jewish Star of David, the Muslim crescent, the Buddhist wheel, the Mormon angel, the nine-pointed star of Bahai and something that looks like an atomic symbol for atheists.
…
But applications from Wiccan groups and individuals to VA for use of the pentacle on grave markers have been pending for nine years, during which time the symbols of 11 other faiths have been approved.

If a soldier died for this country, this country where freedom of religion is one of the founding tenets, put the symbol of his choice on the damn gravestone. To not do so is ignorant, disrespectful, and unamerican.

I wonder if FSM has an approved symbol yet.

Now it’s entirely possible that this billboard is a joke, but given the death of irony in the 20th century and right wingers’ noted lack of humor… I’m going to guess these people are dead serious in their iconography (or is it idolatry now?) of Rambesus. Dead. Serious.

BTW, rambesians, the line after “they drew first blood” is “not me.”[fn1] “I’ll be back” is from The Terminator.

P.S. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Rambesus is sporting some wood up there. And by “wood,” I mean “raging hardon in anticipation of violent action, bitches! Now pinch my nipples!” That kind of wood.

P.P.S. Unless Rambesus’ flesh is stone or some other sufficiently strong-yet-unbreakable material, the wood on the crucifix wouldn’t break when he pulled on the nine inch nails. The best guess of what actually happens is that Rambesus pulls the arm hard enough to fully get the nail through the other side, thus shattering the bones, tearing tendons and veins, and rendering the limb useless. It would be a gory, horrible mess to rip your own arm off of a crucifix.

I dunno, maybe it’s one of those newfangled crucifixes with the breakaway arms and side-impact airbags. For safety, you know.