Grumpasaurus.com

So sez Caribou Barbie Palin

She also thanked her supporters — including Dobson, who said he and his wife were asking “for God’s intervention” on election day — for their prayers of support.

“It is that intercession that is so needed,” she said. “And so greatly appreciated. And I can feel it too, Dr. Dobson. I can feel the power of prayer, and that strength that is provided through our prayer warriors across this nation. And I so appreciate it.”

So… I’m guessing Sarracuda isn’t one of those Jesus-the-lamb types. We probably already knew that.

Given this and her $150,000 on campaign clothes, she’s a perfect fit for a televangelist. I see her taking over the 700 club and taking the place, not of Tammy Faye, but of Robertson. There’s another glass ceiling to shatter!

Note also:

In an interview posted online Wednesday, Sarah Palin told Dr. James Dobson of “Focus on the Family” that she is confident God will do “the right thing for America” on Nov. 4.

I’m looking forward to Palin and the Dobson brigade’s admission on Nov 5th, after Barack Obama has been elected, that God did “the right thing for America.”

Crazy, Politics, Religion

Please let it keep the ignorant theocrat nutjob Palin out of the White House

On September 20 and 21, I attended services at the church Sarah Palin belonged to since she was an adolescent, the Wasilla Assembly of God. Though Palin officially left the church in 2002, she is listed on its website as “a friend,” and spoke there as recently as June 8 of this year.

I went specifically to see a pastor visiting from Kiambu, Kenya named Thomas Muthee. Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle, thus liberating his town from sin and opening its people to the spirit of Jesus.

Muthee’s mounting stardom took him to Wasilla Assembly of God in May, 2005, where he prayed over Palin and called upon Jesus to propel her into the governor’s mansion — and beyond. Muthee also implored Jesus to protect Palin from “the spirit of witchcraft.” The video archive of that startling sermon was scrubbed from Wasilla Assembly of God’s website, but now it has reappeared.

Palin appears onstage ~the 7:00 mark to be anointed “God’s instrument” in government.

Crazy, Politics, Religion

Look! Actual investigation!

To recap:
1. Palin, a hard core theocratic extremist and member of hard-right church with no qualms about dictating societal norms, is elected mayor of Wasilla, AK (pop. 9,000).
2. Palin shortly thereafter “inquires” of the town librarian how she would react “if” Palin asked her to remove some books from the library (alternatively, Palin inquires about the “procedure” for book removal. No threat there!)
3. Librarian says that the books were acquired properly and she will not remove any of them.
4. Librarian is fired.
(postscript: community is outraged, Librarian is reinstated shortly thereafter)

Nope, definitely no authoritarian Queen of Hearts correlation there.

Elections have consequences, and if these dipshits somehow convince enough people to vote against their own interests to be elected then get ready for a whole lot of Säuberung. Oh frabjous day!

America, Corrupt, Evil, Politics, Religion

Did I mention this is going to be the awesomest election ever? Because it is. Behold as the New Yorker channels the wingnut zeitgeist!

Now I want a McCain edition. Just show the Grim Reaper, that’ll be best.

To be clear: the above is clearly satire… it’s just poorly done, unfunny, and unimaginative. You know, like the typical dreck you find in the excruciatingly unentertaining New Yorker.

Update:

I’ll give the nutters at NatRev $50 if they run a similar cover.

To actually be analytical, though, Horsey gets it wrong as well even in his satirical response. For example, Osama is the enemy of all Americans, hero to none; Cheney is the enemy of thinking Americans, but hero to many. Not to mention that the counter response to the Obama outrage always, always ignores the actual and continuing impact of race and gender and the tyranny of the dominant class upon the marginalized groups. Anyway, enough of the critical thinking, fuck the New Yorker for being a bunch of socially rigid ponces.

Update: Here’s how it’s done.

Update: Vanity Fair responds

America, Grr, Pathetic, Politics, Race, Religion

Mike Huckabee in Michigan two days ago

I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.

This, ladies and gents, is the true voice of the base of the current GOP. Ye reap what ye sow, piggies.

One question: which god are we talking about here? The petulant spoiled brat of the first half of the book or the dirty fucking hippie of the second? Actually, which gawdly book are we talking about? I want the one with the free slurpees and fields of bubble wrap to roll around in.

Update: It looks like the Ayatollah is advocating some very-Jesus friendly sodomy-type activity

You don’t like people from outside the state coming in and telling you what to do with your flag,” the former governor of Arkansas told a crowd in Myrtle Beach, where he was campaigning in advance of the state’s Republican primary on Saturday. “In fact, if somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we’d tell them what to do with the pole, that’s what we’d do.

I’m pretty sure that shoving objects in body cavities isn’t in either halves of the christ gawd book. On the other hand, a lot of people who read those do seem to unduly obsess themselves over controlling other people’s poles.

America, Crazy, Religion

Catholic Church buries limbo after centuries

The Roman Catholic Church has effectively buried the concept of limbo, the place where centuries of tradition and teaching held that babies who die without baptism went.

In a long-awaited document, the Church’s International Theological Commission said limbo reflected an “unduly restrictive view of salvation,” according to the U.S.-based Catholic News Service, which obtained a copy on Friday.

The thumbs-down verdict on limbo had been expected for years and the document, called “The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised,” was seen as most likely to be final since limbo was never formally part of Church doctrine.

Pope Benedict authorized the publication of the document.

Seriously? WTF?

Hey, at least they’ve still got purgatory.

Religion, WTF

or are you just happy to see us?

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.

Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

…

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

I… I… ehhhh, there’s really no need to snark in a witty-yet-devastatingly-cutting way, is there? Res ipsa, baby!

Embarrassing, Eye Rollers, Humor, Idiots, Medicine, Pathetic, Religion

See, in my America, we have freedom of religion and no official State religion

Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Koran.

He should not be allowed to do so — not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American civilization.

Bigoted, much?

For that matter, why the hell does anyone have to swear on any book at all? The entire setup is ridiculous and unconstitutional from any rational (that is, non-Christianist, non-Scalia) point of view.

Just another day in right blogistan, of course, but this way of thinking is entirely antithetical to the supposed American ideals of freedom of and freedom from religion, not to mention freedom of expression, personal responsibility, and personal integrity.

Thanks to Prager and Clownhall for demonstrating what it is they believe in yet again – authoritarian, bigoted, christianity. Good on ya.

Idiots, Religion, Wingnuttia

As an update to a previous post, it is now conclusively proven that there is no God.

Republicans Friday chose Rep. John Boehner as minority leader, succeeding Speaker Dennis Hastert in the top GOP leadership post for the Democratic-controlled House that convenes in January.

Laura Ingraham’s God has forsaken her. What will Laura do now?

America, Media, News, Politics, Religion, Wingnuttia

Remember the Purity Ball and the Purity Princess Survivor kit? The Purity Balls where little girls and teenage girls pledge their bodies and/or chastity to their fathers until they are married?

Yeah, here’s the promo video:

Mmmm… feel the mysogyny and objectification. Women as chattel and daddy’s little sex objects… it’s not just for medieval breakfast anymore, it’s a money making evangelical hypocrisy based industry!

Evil, Feminism, HFS, Idiots, Religion

Watch as Faith Hill gets suckerpunched at the CMA for an award she thought she was going to win.

Guess doing all those magazine covers didn’t boost her votes enough. Looks like some personal assistant is going to get fired.

Sure, sure, she says it was a joke and of course I believe it was… but it’s way funnier this way. Besides anyone who sings the shit AI-er Underwood puts out does not deserve to receive any award other than a Razzie:

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this all my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

Believe it or not, the song’s actually worse with the melody. Don’t believe me?

Don’t say I didn’t warned you. She does get credit for recording her video in a pawn shop, though. Nothing like $0.10 vases and glassware to set the stage for jebus’ taking your wheel and rubbing you in a circular motion, with some slow loving hot hands creeping up your thighs. Hot!

By the way, how do conservative christianists reconcile their supposed “personal responibility” principles with their welfare state reliance upon jebus/god’s provisions?

Awesome, Music, Pop Culture, Religion

I was wating for Haggard’s denial to come out before I blogged on this story, and … his denial is even better than I could have expected.

Now, the story is that a male prostitute came forward and said that he had an ongoing 3 year relationship with evangelical Reverend Ted Haggard. This relationship included a lot of sex and, by the way, a bunch of crystal meth. There was an immediate statement of support from Haggard’s group (the National Association of Evangelicals, of which he is the president), that was then withdrawn and a press conference was cancelled, followed shortly thereafter by Haggard’s resignation. So we knew something was up.

… and now, here’s the denial:

The Rev. Ted Haggard admitted Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the former head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

He bought the meth but didn’t smoke it.
He bought the whore but didn’t fuck it.[fn1]

Riiiight. 2 year olds come up with better excuses.

Bonus points for wingnut LaShawn Barber who came up with the following justification (prior to this awesome denial by Haggard):

Having said all that, I have to say this: No Christian should be surprised that Haggard may have given in to his perverted thoughts and turned them into perverted actions. It’s a temptation we all face (temptation in general, people, not necessarily the same-sex kind).

As Borat would say: we make to commit sex crime now? Niiiice.

FN1. I know “it” is objectification of a human being… but I the lines didn’t flow the same when “him” or “‘im” was used. I need a plosive there. Suggestions?

Embarrassing, Eye Rollers, Hypocrisy, News, Religion, Sex

and then there’s crazy

The Houston-based preacher said he believes that the Bush administration has delayed the second coming because U.S. foreign policy has blocked Christian missionaries from working in Iraq, Iran and Syria.

“Somebody needs to say enough is enough,” he said to worshippers who stood, waved and called out in support.

…

Paul, who claimed to support conservative political leaders in the past, is launching “a crusade to save America from the wrath of God and Republicans abusing their power,” according to his press materials.

…

“God is mad at this country,” Paul told the congregation. He described the war in Iraq as “unnecessary genocide.”

That’s the danger with courting the rabid dog radicals. Some day, they’re going to turn on you… for not being radical enough.

America, Crazy, Politics, Religion

This is your brain on gawd

The pop singer, 48, was in a Hollywood strip club when he offered gyrating dancers double their wages to stop dancing, according to The Sun.

The ladies were strutting their stuff at top club Xenii when Prince reportedly told them that it was “wrong to dance like that”.

He added: “What would your parents think if they could see you now?

“You’re too good for this. You shouldn’t be selling yourself so cheap.”

This is a musical genius unfettered by dogma and fully engaged with life:

I hope the sanctimonious proselytizing prick version of Prince goes away in his next revolution. I’m not going to be holding my breath, though. He’s really, really into Jesus.

Eye Rollers, Religion

Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, and to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work

Looks like the GOP GOTV efforts this cycle at bringing the noise, bringin teh fundy isn’t working so well. I’ve been wondering when those idiots would realize they were being led by the nose by a party that promises the world but never follows through and abandon that party. Not that they’ll vote Dem, of course (no way, too many brownies in the Dems), but they won’t go to the polls for the GOP.

It’s a lot like crazy holocaust denier and anti-Semit Gibson’s My Bloody Masochistic Torture Orgasm Movie, where the fundies came out in droves herds. Nothing else is going to get those particular people to the movies, so unless they can be baited with another exercise in snuff porn, they’re just going to stay away.

Anyway, this election cycle, it looks like it may be happening. Witness:

The Nashville rally was almost canceled after organizers failed to sell the 6,000 tickets they needed to fill the city’s Municipal Auditorium, forcing them to hold the event in the Two Rivers Church. Similar events in recent weeks in Minneapolis-St. Paul and Pittsburgh also drew smaller-than-anticipated crowds.
…
Jerry Sutton, the senior pastor at Two Rivers Baptist Church in Nashville, said he believed Dobson’s effort would pay off. “There is a concerted effort to say conservative voters are going to stay home this year because they are disgusted with Mark Foley,” Sutton, 54, said. “It’s not going to work. Our congregation, we did voter registrations twice. They are very, very motivated to vote.”

I think his church should be renamed the Boss Daley Baptists. Their softball team is murder.

I seem to recall a certain IRS provision for 501(c)(3) tax exempt organizations regarding political activities. What was it again? Oh yes, nonprofit religious groups may not advocate for political parties.

Under the Internal Revenue Code, all section 501(c)(3) organizations are absolutely prohibited from directly or indirectly participating in, or intervening in, any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for elective public office.

Of course the IRS isn’t going to investigate this or revoke their tax exempt status. That would be targeting religiosity! They would never do that. Unless you make liberal, anti-Bushevik, or antiwar statement.

Not that stopping the fundie zombies from coming out on Nov. 7th is going to be sufficient for the Dems to take control, of course. In addition to the previously mentioned tactics by the GOP, there’s also a huge bias in our gerrymandered country in favor of the GOP.

If Bush had received the exact same vote share in 2004 that he received in 2000 (that is, 48 percent), he still would have managed to win in 239 of the nation’s 435 House districts—or almost 55 percent. He actually won 255 districts in 2004, or almost 59 percent, while winning around 51 percent of the vote (slightly higher if the calculation excludes Ralph Nader’s one percent). In other words, House districts are now drawn so that an evenly divided country can produce surprisingly lopsided GOP victories. Indeed, the Republicans gained seats in the House in 2004 only because of Tom DeLay’s redistricting scheme in Texas.

I’ve gotten a bit off track here, but to reiterate, the GOP has lost the fundie hordes for the moment.

See also: billmon

Corrupt, Evil, Hypocrisy, Idiots, Politics, Religion