By the way, this one is (tm, me), bitches. Y’all betta reckognize!

Speaking of dog whistles, Barack uses his own in that his cadences, sometimes accent and pronunciation, and some phrase usage are all in the manner of black preachers and evocative of the civil rights movement. So while he doesn’t appeal to race directly, I believe his presentation is meant to do so to those listening for such signals. This is no different than Bush’s longstanding code language for the anti-choice radical right either, I just wanted to note that such language usage exists for multiple purposes.

1. It’s going to be a hatred and bigotry fest no matter who the Dem candidate is, of course. Fear and hatred is the only way the right knows how to operate. The most obvious form is going to be racism, but that’s just one of their legion ways of getting their ragegasm on.

NBC late night host Carson Daly, who today announced that he is returning to the air in the face of the ongoing writers strike, wants his friends and family to help with his scab efforts. In an e-mail, Daly asked a small group of contacts to call in “suggested jokes” to a telephone hotline, noting that he would “play some, most, or all of your jokes on the air.”

I hope you’re enjoying your last few moments on a worthless show with crap ratings, scab.

That’s one athletic mofo. If you start searching on YT, you might want to give yourself a few hours to explore.

The one who started the sport is David Belle:

If you listen to the original, you’ll notice something… autotune is Katie Price/Jordan’s best friend. BEST friend. (actually, check that, they’ve removed the mp3. Tragedy!)

Well at least my ears aren’t bleeding any more. My eyes on the other hand… (that shower scene is HIGHlarious!)

Jennifer Lopez is about to be spoofed in a new porn flick that takes obscene liberties with her hit song “Jenny From the Block.” The XXX flick, titled “J-Ho: Jenny on the [Rhymes with Block],” will be an adults-only parody of her career. Playing J.Ho will be Jasmine Byrne, a Lopez look-alike who previously starred in “Britney Rears 3″ and “Angels of Debauchery.” “I always loved . . . J.Lo, doing her singing and acting and . . . I jumped at the chance to do it,” gushed Byrne.

That I didn’t think of “Britney Rears” is bad enough, but that I wasn’t the first one to think of “J-Ho: Jenny on the Cock” is just criminal.

I’m sorry, my peoples. I have failed you.

First two guesses don’t count.1.

Am I the only one who vomited in my mouth a little here?

1. Michael Jackson. Entering the auditorium for the 2006 World Music Awards.
Seriously.
That’s Jacko.

In an update to a previous post, OJ is now doing the talk show circuit to promote his “hypothetical” book. Hmm… this sounds… familiar… Oh yes! I remember!1

You know, you have to admire the human species. Every time I think we’ve hit a new floor in taste, someone goes way, way below it. It’s awesome when that person is me.

John Correli: Did you kill Mr Boz, Miss Tramell?
Catherine: I’d have to be pretty stupid to write a book about killing and then kill him the way I described in my book. I’d be announcing myself as the killer. I’m not stupid.

Dumped husband Kevin Federline has been touting the four-hour tape for sale and has already been offered £26 MILLION.
…
They did nothing all day but have sex—and play the odd game of chess.

Yes, that certainly would be an odd game of chess, what with BritBrit trying to eat the pawns and KFed wondering where the filter wire goes on the queen and all. Apparently BritBrit is worried that it will destroy her comeback or something and thinks she’s still a Disney product. Honey, there is no comeback for you outside of this tape. So you had sex with your husband? Big deal. Look how far Paris has milked one boring narcissistic tape. You Your handler’s can totally manage that.

Guess doing all those magazine covers didn’t boost her votes enough. Looks like some personal assistant is going to get fired.

Sure, sure, she says it was a joke and of course I believe it was… but it’s way funnier this way. Besides anyone who sings the shit AI-er Underwood puts out does not deserve to receive any award other than a Razzie:

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this all my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

Believe it or not, the song’s actually worse with the melody. Don’t believe me?

Don’t say I didn’t warned you. She does get credit for recording her video in a pawn shop, though. Nothing like $0.10 vases and glassware to set the stage for jebus’ taking your wheel and rubbing you in a circular motion, with some slow loving hot hands creeping up your thighs. Hot!

By the way, how do conservative christianists reconcile their supposed “personal responibility” principles with their welfare state reliance upon jebus/god’s provisions?

Patrick Dempsey’s first wife accused the “Grey’s Anatomy” star of beating her, according to court papers obtained by the National Enquirer.

Rochelle “Rocky” Parker claimed that Dempsey once broke her finger in a car door and further charged that “while we were on the set of his [1987] movie ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ he beat me up because he wanted to see what it was like to beat a woman,” the tab is reporting.

I always thought he was attractive, but now? Not so much. Not at all, actually. I have no tolerance for people who resort to violence, particularly men who beat on women. He’s dead to me.

It appears that Universal Studios recognize that the followers of the cult favorite TV show Firefly would be a great source of viral marketing for the movie based on the show, Serenity. They put together a huge viral marketing campaign, in part with Special Ops Media (a company…. However, as with so many of these things, it appears that the marketers at Universal forgot to tell the lawyers at Universal, who recently decided to send out cease and desist letters to a bunch of the guerilla marketers they had pushed to promote the film. Adding insult to injury, the lawyers also demanded $8,750 in “retroactive licensing fees” from at least one individual.

Of course, the Brownshirts are taking the appropriate tactic – retroactive billing for their viral marketing efforts on behalf of Fox/Universal.

Reviews for Rule of Rose don’t look so hot, so… not as tempted as I might otherwise be.

I guess it’s only natural that panties that are a half step away from bloomers are making a comeback, what with the resurgence of the American Taliban and all. Still… what happened to the “h” in rhumba?

Up next: the return of the merkin!

His body visibly wracked by tremors, actor Michael J. Fox appears in a political ad that was the subject of widespread discussion on Monday after conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh claimed Fox was “either off his medication or acting.”
…
“I think this is exploitative in a way that’s unbecoming of either Claire McCaskill or Michael J. Fox,” Limbaugh said on his syndicated show.

On his Web site Tuesday, Limbaugh appeared to back away from his accusation.

“All I’m saying is I’ve never seen him the way he appears in this commercial for Claire McCaskill,” says Limbaugh. “So I will bigly, hugely admit that I was wrong, and I will apologize to Michael J. Fox, if I am wrong in characterizing his behavior on this commercial as an act, especially since people are telling me they have seen him this way on other interviews and in other television appearances.”

“As you might know I care deeply about stem cell research,” says Fox, who has struggled with Parkinson’s disease for more than a decade. “In Missouri you can elect Claire McCaskill, who shares my hope for cures.”

Here’s the ad with Michael J. Fox:

I never knew Fox got an American citizenship. Cool.

That being said, UCLA has brought me on as a visiting professor this semester.

Naturally (or bizarrely, as some of my critics would point out), it’s in the School of Cinema and Television – a field I know a thing or two about (as I’ve watched many movies and TV shows). So, for the last month, I’ve been spearheading a class called “Sucks Less, with Kevin Smith”, in which we produce a weekly TV show entitled, ironically, “Sucks Less, with Kevin Smith”. It starts airing this Thursday on MtvU (the college-campus only arm of the Viacom-owned Music Television empire), as well as on MtvU.com and, in an uncharacteristic-for-me nod to what’s being called “new media”, also on the Amp’d Mobile Phone. This means we’re producing Episodes, Webisodes, and Mobisodes – which, while sounding ambitious as fuck, simply means we’re producing one show that airs on three different platforms. Eat your heart out, Dick Wolf.

Right on, Kev. He’s still my doppleganger:

“My tastes, for better or for worse, fall far outside the mainstream,” I argued. “And if I could write/create for the mainstream, I’d be a one of those successful filmmakers. So, really – you guys want someone else.”
“Yeah, but we like your sensibility.”
“But my sensibility isn’t in line with the masses.”
“What makes you say that?” I was asked.
“I’ll bet you’re tying to get Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as hosts.”
“We are,” they replied.
“Okay. I’d rather see David Cross be the host. You’re voting for the most popular kids in class, I’m voting for the class genius. And there’s nothing wrong with your instincts; I just don’t share ‘em.”
“Fine. But there’s gotta be something you can do in the Mtv family. We’re edgy, too. Have you ever seen ‘Wonder Showzen’?”

See? Eerie.

The first bumper from his class:

(from this week’s Variety)

“Dr. Laura Talking Action Figure”
Talking Presidents

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is not only one of the most popular radio personalities in America, she is also a best selling author of 14 books, including 4 children’s books. Best known for her no-nonsense approach to parenting and her unwavering commitment to children, Dr. Laura always believes everyone should “go do the right thing”. Now you can share Dr. Laura’s wit and wisdom with your friends and family with the “Dr. Laura Talking Action Figure”.

Below are only a few of the 23 different phrases that the highly anticipated Dr. Laura action figure says when you press her button:

* “I am the proud mother of an American Solider.”
* “Now go do the right thing.”
* “Please don’t argue with me – it makes me testy.”
* “Be the kind of person you’d like to come home to every day.”
* “Are you sure this is the hill you want to die on?”
* “I am my kids’ mom.”

The “Dr. Laura Action Figure” stands 11 inches tall and is packaged in a display box that includes her biography and photos from her personal collection. Dr. Laura was involved in developing this action figure, so you can be sure it is as true to life as possible.

I wonder if this porn also comes complete with amateur porn poses and an instant camera?

Other possible doll sayings:

• Is that a revealing outfit you’re wearing, you little slut?
• Homosexuality is a biological error.
• Hatred is a family value.
• Now, these photos are private, right?
• Really, really sure?

CONTROVERSIAL comedian Sacha Baron Cohen has been invited to visit Kazakhstan – after insulting the country in the guise of spoof journalist Borat.

Nice try! You should pull that on someone more naive and credulous. Like Paris Hilton. Yeah, definitely Paris. She should be invited to tour your country and show her vajine to the locals (it’s the law, don’tchy know).

Why am I all pop culture today? No idea. I’m just grabbing what grabs me. I’m greasing my slide to sheepleville is all.

SHORTLY after the delivery of boy David to Madonna’s London home, she disappeared off down the gym.

…

What should have been a quiet, bonding experience with the Malawian baby of her choice, turned into a circus with convoys of 4x4s racing along dirttracks to the Mission of Hope orphanage where our heroine handed out signed copies of her books.

Let me get this straight – instead of adopting an orphan and giving out food and medicine to the sick, starving, and poor… this alien buys adopts a kid with a still-living father and hands out signed copies of her ghost written books to orphans.

Nice. At least english is an official language of Malawi, so the starving orphans will properly know who to hate.

OK, so she had the full consent of the girl’s father and is donating $3M to the orphanage and filming a documentary there, but c’mon… you think that’s going to get in the way of the story of her handing out signed copies of her books? Besides, she’s always been a narcissist. She revels in it. It’s pretty much her calling card. It’s not like I was calling her a Republican or anything.

The former football great, who was acquitted in criminal court 11 years ago of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman, reportedly has been paid a whopping $3.5 million to write about the double murder that shocked and riveted the nation in 1994, according to a detailed report in the new National Enquirer.

But Simpson is not actually confessing to the murder — rather, he’s writing a “hypothetical” book — which the Enquirer reports is tentatively being called “If I Did It.”

Every time I think I can’t be shocked by the moral depravity and narcissistim of the human creature, something like this comes along to remind me how little I know. I’m holding the publisher accountable as well for their $3.5M advance to the acquitted-due-to-government-incompetence unrepentant murderer.