Grumpasaurus.com

Watch ’til the end (or just watch the last 15 seconds or so, same diff), where Brian Williams totally busts Luke Russert:

A few things:

a) Luke Russert. Mmmm… nepotism. Look, I’m sorry his dad died, but Luke sucks, brings nothing to the table, and has horrible hair. Fuck this shit.

b) From the reaction, I’m preeeeeeetty sure Luke and the victory hookup had already hit it.

c) Nice job, Brian! That was the best scolding-slash-breakup inducing moment ever. Ev-er.

d) I totally love how the entire crowd runs away from Luke like he’s a oily little droplet in their bucket of water. The frustrated and lonely chagrin on Luke’s face is priceless. This is precisely how he would have been treated if his dad dad daddy-o weren’t Tim Russert. Looooove it.

Oh, and since I’ve been too busy with other things to post during this epochal event – Sarah, your God has done what’s right for America. Now STFU and get back to your low-grade tyrannical corruption.

Awesome, Media, Pathetic, Sex

Well I’m certainly proud to be a citizen of the same country as the shitbricks shown in this video.

America, Pathetic, Politics, Racist

Remember him? He makes a cameo here among the rage filled hatemonkeys

America, Crazy, News, Pathetic, Politics, Racist

Did I mention this is going to be the awesomest election ever? Because it is. Behold as the New Yorker channels the wingnut zeitgeist!

Now I want a McCain edition. Just show the Grim Reaper, that’ll be best.

To be clear: the above is clearly satire… it’s just poorly done, unfunny, and unimaginative. You know, like the typical dreck you find in the excruciatingly unentertaining New Yorker.

Update:

I’ll give the nutters at NatRev $50 if they run a similar cover.

To actually be analytical, though, Horsey gets it wrong as well even in his satirical response. For example, Osama is the enemy of all Americans, hero to none; Cheney is the enemy of thinking Americans, but hero to many. Not to mention that the counter response to the Obama outrage always, always ignores the actual and continuing impact of race and gender and the tyranny of the dominant class upon the marginalized groups. Anyway, enough of the critical thinking, fuck the New Yorker for being a bunch of socially rigid ponces.

Update: Here’s how it’s done.

Update: Vanity Fair responds

America, Grr, Pathetic, Politics, Race, Religion

You sure should now

A collision with a semi-trailer truck seven years ago left 52-year-old Deborah Shank permanently brain-damaged and in a wheelchair. Her husband, Jim, and three sons found a small source of solace: a $700,000 accident settlement from the trucking company involved. After legal fees and other expenses, the remaining $417,000 was put in a special trust. It was to be used for Mrs. Shanks care.

Instead, all of it is now slated to go to Mrs. Shanks former employer, Wal-Mart Stores Inc.

Two years ago, the retail giants health plan sued the Shanks for the $470,000 it had spent on her medical care. A federal judge ruled last year in Wal-Marts favor, backed by an appeals-court decision in August. Now, her family has to rely on Medicaid and Mrs. Shanks social-security payments to keep up her round-the-clock care.

Oh wait, it gets better

In August last year, U.S. district judge Lewis Blanton sided with Wal-Mart, ruling that when Mrs. Shank signed on to Wal-Mart’s health plan she was obligated to abide by its terms.

The ruling came six days before the Shanks’ 18-year-old son, Jeremy, was killed in September last year in Iraq shortly after he arrived in the U.S. Army’s 25th Infantry Division.

If ever there was an entity that deserved strychnine in its reservoir, Wal-Mart would be the one.

Olberman has more

Now implement some goddamn national health insurance for fuck’s sake.

Evil, Grr, Medicine, Pathetic

I’m scarred for life. Ergo, I must share it with you so we can live our scarred codependent lives together properly.

As parody, it’s half-assed. As candidate promotion it is among the strongest reasons possible as to why you should not, under any circumstances, vote for McCain.

I don’t know who created this, but my money’s on Al Qaeda.

Crap, Embarrassing, Music, Pathetic, Politics

What the fuck is this socialist welfare begging shit that Juggs is doing?

Atlas does not live by words alone, contribute to the damn thing!
Seriously, it takes enormous time and effort to build this alternative media outlet, help Atlas run. Go here, or I’ll have to get a day job (as opposed to this day and night job).

UPDATE: Checking out the PO Box thing….at $40 bucks a month, not going there. Email me offline at AtlasShrugs2000 at 1 o l and I’ll give you an address.

Pick yourself by your own bootstraps, you big whiner!

The best part is that her legion (well, troop. OK, squad… squadlette) of supporters can’t figure out to get her any money. Read the comments. Savor them. Especially this one:

Call me a dummy if you will. I had to make a pay pal account. that done, now in the dang box of where to send money..where do I send it? WHERE? Please explain. don’t tell me to Atlas Shrugged it has only a place for an email address. DUH!!!

Juggyfreude! The sockpuppet/pump primer comments are equally awesome. And by awesome, I mean risible.

I tried to figure out a way to send some custard, but I couldn’t find the appropriate button. Guess I’m just a big dummy.

No, wait, this is my favorite comment:

PayPal worked for me, but, for the first time ever, I was assessed an $8.99 shipping charge.

Hahahahaha!!! She put in a shipping charge on her automated PayPal donation thingy! The trucks in Teh Tubes needz gas to get there!

Via the best site in the universe¹, we get the best comment ever (which totally stole my idea, bitches!²).

Went over to Titz-on-a-Blintz to see how Pammy’s fundraising was going and inquired if she paid for her breast implants with a similar blog beg. First time I ever had a comment deleted anywhere.

Generally I’m sympathetic to dispossessed women with children in tow. Not so much this fucktard. She should be mocked. Mercilessly. Maybe she can take those fake tits that her ex paid for and leverage them into her 2009 calendar. “Genocidal Hobag ‘09″ does have a certain ring to it, no?

Pathetic, Wingnuttia

The right ain’t got nothin if they don’t have an aggrieved self-perception of victimhood. Latest example, the whiny idiots at RedState

Dear RedState Reader:

I have, as they say, some good news and some bad news.

(Short version: We need you to open your wallet and give what you can to build RedState 3.0. Go here to help. We need the money ASAP.)

The good news first: RedState.com is about to embark on a major upgrade of our website that will make it easier, more informative, and just plain more fun for you to visit.

The bad news: our liberal “friends” – you know, the ones who believe so strongly in free speech and open debate – have done what they can to prevent us from making these improvements, so that our influence will be minimized just as we head into the 2008 presidential primary season.

No, our Blue State buddies haven’t succeeded in stopping us from improving our website. But they’ve made it more difficult and more expensive – which is why I’m coming to you for help.

Let me explain …

You see, when we started RedState in May of 2004, we used a website program called Scoop — the same program a lot of similar sites on the left used. But, as the number of visitors to our site grew, Scoop kept crashing on us.

If we’d been a liberal website, we would have been able to fix the problem quickly and relatively cheaply. The online left loves Scoop. Unfortunately, there weren’t really any conservative Scoop developers out there to help us. We kept crashing and were out of money. We had to close down or take drastic action.

Well, we didn’t close down. We ditched Scoop and moved to the best alternative at the time, a program called Drupal. But, in accomplishing the switch, budget constraints forced us to sacrifice some popular site features in order to alleviate the strain on our overused servers.

Needless to say, we always regarded those “downgrades” as temporary, and we hoped to restore the eliminated features – and to add new and even better ones – as soon as we could afford to.

Unfortunately, we still can’t afford to. But we’re convinced that America can afford even less to have us operating at anything less than our absolute peak potential during the coming presidential election season.

So we’ve decided to move ahead with our upgrades without delay, and despite not having the cash on hand – hoping and praying that RedState.com readers like you will help us make up the shortfall with a generous donation.

Here, specifically, is what we’re planning to accomplish with your generous financial support …

[emphasis added]

Hahahahah… so, let me get this straight: the liberals, through their creation of the entire free-as-in-speech and free-as-in-beer software known as Scoop and Drupal were purposefully ratfucking conservative sites because… conservative programmers wouldn’t work for free? Pretty sneaky there moonbats!

Let me try again: Hi, we’re conservatives! We’re using socialized software that we aren’t paying for and we don’t want to pay anyone the value of their labor to code for us, so can you please give us some welfare money? kthxbai

Self awareness? Not for this bunch.

Side note: RedState is owned by a conservative media organization that had more than $8MM in sales last year, and they still can’t keep a shitty site operative. And people think conservatives are the successful business party?

Awesome, Eye Rollers, Idiots, Pathetic

only where the chocolate and peanut butter are both made from different flavors of poo…

Lieberman (Asshatovillistan-CT) steps to the plate to once again show his deaf, dumb, and blind political instincts and serial tendency to support bad ideas and lost causes while stabbing his “friends” in the back … (drumroll) …

endorses McCain for preznit.

This event should come as no surprise to anyone except for Harry Reid. Brace yourselves for 2 weeks of Dean Broder and the other Unity 2008 fetishists to be swooning in their eggnog. I think I heard Sam Waterston’s fly unzipping when the news came out.

Now you’ve got the megalomaniacal DINO-Republican whose former party loathes him “making a splash” for the “maverick” christianist megalomaniacal Republican whose current party doesn’t trust him or his fealty to the party line.

Sounds like win-win to me.
+ =

… alternate math: .

(I couldn’t decide. So sue me. You’re just lucky I couldn’t think of a decent image for “crap sandwich.”)

Update: those aren’t pillows!

Pathetic, Politics

His brand of substance-free pussified blowhard sociopathy fits right in with the modern GOP. I can’t imagine why he doesn’t have more followers.

The incident: dog excrement found on the roof and windows of the Romney station wagon. How it got there: Romney strapped a dog carrier — with the family dog Seamus, an Irish Setter, in it — to the roof of the family station wagon for a twelve hour drive from Boston to Ontario, which the family apparently completed, despite Seamuss rather visceral protest.

Let me repeat: rather than kennel his animal or make room in the car, he strapped it to the roof for a 12 hour drive. 12. hours.

Embarrassing, Evil, Pathetic, Politics, Scum

If you know nothing about the dark and nefarious deeds you are trying to hire someone else to do, don’t put anything in writing… like the communications director for Denny Rehberg (R-MT) did as he tried to hire some hackers to break into his university’s computer system to modify his grades.

Read all the way to the end of the thread. The Attrition guys get Shriber but good.

I’d make a larger point about the GOP, cheating, and their belief that money and no morals can get you anything your abilities and effort couldn’t… but after the last 6 years, do you really need another object lesson?

Also note: this has made the news and the dude has been fired. I hope some DA decides to go for conspiracy as well. Definitely some mens rea there.

Awesome, Idiots, Pathetic

or are you just happy to see us?

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.

Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

…

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

I… I… ehhhh, there’s really no need to snark in a witty-yet-devastatingly-cutting way, is there? Res ipsa, baby!

Embarrassing, Eye Rollers, Humor, Idiots, Medicine, Pathetic, Religion

Lieberman won’t rule out GOP caucusing

Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut said yesterday that he will caucus with Senate Democrats in the new Congress, but he would not rule out switching to the Republican caucus if he starts to feel uncomfortable among Democrats.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Update: let the pampering commence!

Corrupt, Evil, Grr, News, Pathetic, Politics

Mark Halperin. Behold as this paragon of journalistic integrity abases himself to C-level conservative radioblogger/worst law school professor in the world, Hugh Hewitt.

For those that don’t know, Helperin ABC New’s political director and is the responsible for the widely-read kewl kids news factory The Note. Why people read it before, I don’t know. Why they would read it after seeing what a craven, snivveling, subhuman sychophant Helperin is I really don’t know.

Unless they’re conservative, in which case The Note is teh b0mb!!!1!111!

Dear Hugh,

I really enjoyed our radio talk and I appreciated the opportunity to appear with someone I respect so much.

I have gotten a lot of positive feedback, mostly from conservatives, including this reaction on Powerlineblog.com.

But, as I have said to you privately, I am beginning to think you are intellectually dishonest on a few points. It seems strange that someone who seems to be trying to bring truth to people would do such a thing, but I can’t really explain your behavior any other way. As I said on the show, you and I agree on almost everything we discussed. On most of the points of disagreement, I respect your position and accept our disagreement. . . .

As for your repeated insistence that you could reach no other conclusion but one that says that I am “very liberal,” I’m sure if you think it over, you will reconsider. You went to a liberal school and you appear to not be liberal. And I am sure you have heard of people having different political views than their parents.

Again, I respect much about you, but I am mystified by your determination to lump me in with others. Acknowledging the liberal bias that exists in the Old Media — as John Harris and I do in The Way to Win: Taking the White House in 2008 doesn’t necessarily prove that I am not liberal, but I would think you would be open to giving me the benefit of the doubt, when you have no actual evidence to the contrary.

Hewitt may be a C-level echospheritarian/worst law professor in the world, but he sure knows the bully routine by heart. This was Helprin’s second message, by the way, and Hewitt has made Halperin his bitch not once, not twice, but three times now. You know, if I thought Halperin was worthy of anything more than scorn and a mild disinterest, I might feel sorry for the wormy little crybaby.

So, submissives take note (or bottoms, as we like to call you little bitches): this is how a proper sub behaves! Now lick my boot. Harder! Faster! You missed a spot, you naughty little thing. Have a nipple clamp. Now on your knees and beg for my forgiveness!

Eye Rollers, HFS, Media, Pathetic, Psychology, Sad