Sep 25

Best and Worst Cover Songs of All Time

If you ever want me to waste a few million brain cycles thinking about something, just ask me to compile a best of/worst of list. Perfect OCD feeder.

Here was the ask: name the 5 best, 5 worst, and 5 never-made-but-should-be cover songs.

I, of course, completely ignored the 5 limit and just went with it. Except for the should-be-mades, since anything good I think of I’m going to cover myself and why give away my best ideas, amirite?

== Best ==
Note: my preference is for songs that reimagine the original rather than just recreate it. Basically when I hear these covers, I wished I had thought to interpret the song that way. Because of this, I generally exclude traditional roots-y cover songs and the like.

I Will Always Love You – Whitney (Dolly). Also a worst cover ever.
All Along The Watchtower – Jimi (Dylan)
Respect – Aretha (Otis Redding)
Tainted Love – Soft Cell (Gloria Jones)
Ghost of Tom Joad – RATM (Springsteen)
Darling Nikki – Foo Fighters (Prince)
Higher Ground – RHCP (Stevie Wonder)
Nobody Does it Better – Radiohead (Carly Simon)
Me and Bobby McGee – Janis Joplin (Kris Kristofferson)
Blinded By the Light – Manfred Mann (Springsteen)
Got To Get You Into My Life – Earth Wind & Fire (Beatles)
Superstition – SRV (Stevie Wonder)
Voodoo Child (Slight Return), Little Wing – SRV (Jimi). SRV was a great cover factory, but that’s blues for you.
Smooth Criminal – Alien Ant Farm (Michael). Could also be on worst list.
Jolene – White Stripes (Dolly)
I Can’t Go For That – Nicki Bluhm & The Gramblers (Hall & Oates) (Youtube)
The Man Who Sold the World – Nirvana (Bowie)
Hazy Shade of Winter – The Bangles (Simon & Garfunkel)
(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction – Devo (Rolling Stones)
Let Down – Easy Star All Stars (Radiohead)
No Quarter – Tool (Led Zeppelin)
You’re No Good – Linda Ronstadt (Betty Everett)
Why Dont U Call Me Anymore – Alicia Keys (Prince)
Helter Skelter – U2 (Beatles)
Boyz-N-The Hood – Dynamite Hack (Easy-E)

== Easily could also be on the Worst Covers list as well: ==

Blue Monday – Orgy (New Order)
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) – Marilyn Manson (Eurythmics)

== Worst ==
Oh FSM, these are terrible. Note: these are all “serious” covers where the artists are really trying. Joke/unserious covers are excluded. I’m going to start by saying every cover of Imagine (Lennon) has sucked. Ditto for Smells Like Teen Spirit. … but I pretty much hate every one of these songs listed below for making me want to vomit in my mouth.

I Will Always Love You – Whitney (Dolly)
Smells Like Teen Spirit – Tori Amos (Nirvana) worst cover ever. Bar none.
These Boots Were Made for Walking – Jessica Simpson (Nancy Sinatra)
Hurt – Johnny Cash (NiN)
When a Man Loves a Woman – Michael Bolton (Percy Sledge)
Emotive (entire album, but particularly Imagine and What’s Going On) – A Perfect Circle
Imagine – Avril Lavigne. I’m serious about all Imagine covers sucking.
Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead (Prince)
Funkytown – Psuedo Echo (Lipps Inc.)
Soul Man – Blues Brothers (Sam and Dave)
Lady Marmalade – Xtine, Mya, etc (LaBelle)
Bring Tha Noize – Anthrax (Public Enemy)
I Think We’re Alone Now – Tiffany (Tommy James & the Shondells)
Always on My Mind – Pet Shop Boys (Brenda Lee)
(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction – Britney Spears (Rolling Stones)
Sweet Child o’ Mine – Sheryl Crow (GnR)
Purple Haze – The Cure (Jimi)
Faith – Limp Bizkit (George Michael)
Cat’s in the Cradle – Ugly Kid Joe (Harry Chapin)
Get it On (Bang a Gong) – Power Station (T. Rex)
Everything ever created by UB40.

Jun 11

Imagine

Yet more proof that conservatives are like kryptonite to irony. Or subtlety. Or plain meaning, for that matter.

Lennonism [John J. Miller]

K Lo: I’m with you on “Imagine” — love the piano, hate the lyrics. A band called A Perfect Circle has a great cover version. The music is bleak and the vocals are subdued. It’s a much-needed deconstruction of the song. It’s like the anti-“Imagine.” I’m not sure the musicians intended it that way, but that’s the result, by my lights. Definitely worth a 99-cent download.

A few things:

  1. The Perfect Circle cover is fairly horrible as a piece of music, actually. It’s like awesomeness on valium, sifted through gauze, and then drained of life force. Which is not to say the original Imagine is awesome, but the cover was filtered through that mysterious substance known as AwesomeX
  2. I’m sure that Miller, should he choose to investigate, would love the much-needed deconstruction of Maynard James Keenan (whom I personally think is fantabulous; he’s the singer. Also, a vet!). See also: Dirty Harry by Gorillaz, Born in the USA by Springsteen, And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda by The Pogues, et. al. Don’t forget Gandhi!
  3. Imagine by Perfect Circle was recorded in 2003 and released in 2004. Hmm… that time seems so familiar. Anyone remember what was happening around that time? Anyone. Drawing a blank here.
  4. One might, uh, imagine that in this here world of the internetwebby thing, the video might be on the YT, and might, you know, display the intent of the artists:

Mar 22

The Worst Thing You’re Going to See or Hear All Week

I’m scarred for life. Ergo, I must share it with you so we can live our scarred codependent lives together properly.

As parody, it’s half-assed. As candidate promotion it is among the strongest reasons possible as to why you should not, under any circumstances, vote for McCain.

I don’t know who created this, but my money’s on Al Qaeda.

Dec 02

Brady

I’m not a football fan by any means, but this is funny. It also made me reconsider my sexual orientation.

I wish I knew how to quit you, Brady.

I’m a tight end
but I hope one day
to be your wide receiver
how I long for you to hit meeeee
in the slot

Genius!

Nov 27

OMFG. They made a video

Remember when I linked to the worst vanity cover song in the history of ever? Well, they made a video:

If you listen to the original, you’ll notice something… autotune is Katie Price/Jordan’s best friend. BEST friend. (actually, check that, they’ve removed the mp3. Tragedy!)

Well at least my ears aren’t bleeding any more. My eyes on the other hand… (that shower scene is HIGHlarious!)

Nov 08

That’s got to sting a little

Watch as Faith Hill gets suckerpunched at the CMA for an award she thought she was going to win.

Guess doing all those magazine covers didn’t boost her votes enough. Looks like some personal assistant is going to get fired.

Sure, sure, she says it was a joke and of course I believe it was… but it’s way funnier this way. Besides anyone who sings the shit AI-er Underwood puts out does not deserve to receive any award other than a Razzie:

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this all my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

Believe it or not, the song’s actually worse with the melody. Don’t believe me?

Don’t say I didn’t warned you. She does get credit for recording her video in a pawn shop, though. Nothing like $0.10 vases and glassware to set the stage for jebus’ taking your wheel and rubbing you in a circular motion, with some slow loving hot hands creeping up your thighs. Hot!

By the way, how do conservative christianists reconcile their supposed “personal responibility” principles with their welfare state reliance upon jebus/god’s provisions?

Oct 27

Shut Up and Sing

Looks like an interesting documentary re: the Dixie Chicks and the insanity fueled by the nutters when Natalie Maines said they were ashamed Bush was from Texas… which led to boycotts, protests, death threats, and “independent” radio stations refusing to play their songs.

Shut up and sing

The reaction from the jingoist nutballs was so incendiary, so ridiculous, so disproportionate to the innocuous comment by Maines, that it deserves a nice, long, objective look on the hows and the whys. I hope this documentary does that.

Note: NBC and CW Television (= UPN & WB) are refusing to air ads for the documentary. This after CNN and NPR refused to carry ads for Death of a President (the fake documentary about the assassination of W). Censorship, anyone? (and I’m being serious here, not in the fake “censorship”! way people who don’t understand censorship cry). Oh, and if you really want to get mad at the censorship in our country, observe how nearly every instance of refusal to carry ads by major media networks is for the benefit of the Bushevik administration.

Oct 17

Don’t say I didn’t warn you

This is probably the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life. “Pop star” and professional bimbo record a Xmas album duet of Di$$ney’s “A Whole New World”

A recording of the Australian singer and his ultra-tanned bimbo wife singing the song “A Whole New World” has been doing the industry email rounds in recent days.

Apparently set to end up on a Christmas covers album in the UK, the tabloid couple ramble tragically through the song they danced to at their wedding last year.

Or just go to the mp3 and skip the flash-based player.

Make. The. Bad. People. Stop. I only wish this were a parody. Maybe it is. Please tell me it is. No one is this clueless as to their musical prowess, right?

I’m sharing this with the same spirit of someone who takes a 3 year old milk container out of the fridge, sniffs, blanches, and says “goddamn! this is horrible! here. smell this!”

Enjoy.

Oct 08

Guess what’s going on my xmas list?

iKaraoke – Karaoke for your iPod

iKaraoke sends the music from your iPod to your stereo minus the lead vocals, so you can step up to the mic and sing the lead in your favorite tunes.

iKaraoke makes it easy to pause the music, scan forward or backward, or temporarily add the vocals back in to help you find your place. It even includes reverb effects to enhance your performance.

iKaraoke hooks up to your stereo via line-in cable, or wirelessly through your FM receiver.

That I don’t actually own an iPod shall not deter me. I need something to replace the small, boring selection available in my Karaoke Revolution discs for my PS2. They’ve been fun, but there’s only so many times you can slaughter New York, New York and Under Pressure before you’re longing for 4Gb of portable mp3 player goodness.

Now make it work with the iAudio X5, dammit!

Sep 25

Devastation

Have you heard the news? KFed is dropping PopoZao from his soon-to-be dismal failure of an album. He’s replacing it with a duet with Britney called “Crazy.”

The aspiring rapper’s debut CD “Playing With Fire” hits shelves on Halloween, but his much-derided ode to ladies’ derrieres, “PopoZao,” reportedly won’t make the cut. It’s being replaced, reports WENN, by a duet with Britney Spears called “Crazy.”

I’m devastated. Devastated, I say!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t BritBrit already done a song called “Crazy“?

In case you haven’t seen the supremo exercise in douchebaggery that is KFed + Popozao… enjoy:

If sperm motility was considered a talent, KFed would be a superstar.