The first minute is an all-time classic. Loooove it.

The joke is: if you’re going to be tea bagging the country, you’re going to need a Dick Armey

McCain’s calling of his second wife (the rich one, the one he dumped his faithful poor one for after she stayed true to him while he was a POW and after she got into a disfiguring car accident. Oh, also, Cindy McCain is a plagiarist passing off stolen recipes as her own)… anyway, McCain called his second and current wife a “cunt.” I shit you not.

Now, a fun exercise in the imagination: imagine if Barack had called Michelle that. Imagine how many times you would have heard that (approximately 7 million until Clinton sealed the nom, would be my guess).

While discussing ninth-grade students at a school in New Jersey who were suspended for distributing topless photographs of their classmates, Bill O’Reilly stated, “But it’s an amazing amount of kids involved with this — 20 — in an affluent school district. This isn’t, you know, the inner city; you would think that these kids would have some kind of a values system.”

Richard Mellon Scaife, billionaire bankroller of conservative crusades, spent heavily to expose Bill Clinton’s “Troopergate” misbehavior. Now Scaife’s divorce from his second wife, Ritchie, is providing another unsavory saga—adultery! addiction! assault! dognapping!?!—as both parties let loose

Hahahahaaaaa… definitely the best schadenfreude moment o’ the year.

In December of 2005, the private detective proved Ritchie’s fears to have been well founded: he took pictures showing the reclusive 75-year-old billionaire with a woman named Tammy Vasco, a tall, blonde 43-year-old whose criminal history includes two arrests for prostitution. The pair was photographed at Doug’s Motel, a roadside establishment near Pittsburgh, where rooms rent for $49 a night, or $31 for three hours.

#5 mbpaul 11/7/2006 09:25PM PST

I quite. I not going to vote again. It’s time I gave up on this political bullshit. I just hope the nuke attack comes soon. Let it be on the East Coast where it belongs.

#11 Tairos 11/7/2006 09:27PM PST

I think this demostrates pretty clearly that voting should be a privilege, NOT a right.
…
#272 Greg 11/7/2006 10:43PM PST

Bush is losing precisely because he has took the high road after 9/11 instead of Zyclon B-ing most of the muslim world after attacking our shores as they have been doing to our shipping since 1800.

This is a world war and not a tea party for the Yale/Harvard clique…

Islam must have a boot smashing into its face forever until it becomes a grown up religion not bent on murdering everyone on the planet…

Bush cannot comprehend this or the Donks even less…they do not have the intestinal fortitude for it…

That last one is included because it overloaded my irony meters. Follow the link for more. The General has done stirling work in bringing these comments to us. Show him some lurve.

The GOP lost. Conservatism prevailed.

See also: RS #1

The movement shall never die! See also:

The Party did not fail the people. The people failed the Party.

and

Marxism did not fail: it was never tried

Others: shorter Thomas @ RS, in quite the exquisite violent fabulist post – the Dems didn’t beat us, we impaled ourselves on long poles and slowly felt the sharpened wooden spikes crawl through our intestines, eventually piercing our hearts as our bowels are voided and shit runs down our legs. Oh wait, that’s not shorter.

The Democrats did not win this battle. We locked our finest spears in the ground and plunged ourselves upon them.

RS #3

Buncha commies. The lot of them.

Now, the story is that a male prostitute came forward and said that he had an ongoing 3 year relationship with evangelical Reverend Ted Haggard. This relationship included a lot of sex and, by the way, a bunch of crystal meth. There was an immediate statement of support from Haggard’s group (the National Association of Evangelicals, of which he is the president), that was then withdrawn and a press conference was cancelled, followed shortly thereafter by Haggard’s resignation. So we knew something was up.

… and now, here’s the denial:

The Rev. Ted Haggard admitted Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the former head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

He bought the meth but didn’t smoke it.
He bought the whore but didn’t fuck it.[fn1]

Riiiight. 2 year olds come up with better excuses.

Bonus points for wingnut LaShawn Barber who came up with the following justification (prior to this awesome denial by Haggard):

Having said all that, I have to say this: No Christian should be surprised that Haggard may have given in to his perverted thoughts and turned them into perverted actions. It’s a temptation we all face (temptation in general, people, not necessarily the same-sex kind).

As Borat would say: we make to commit sex crime now? Niiiice.

FN1. I know “it” is objectification of a human being… but I the lines didn’t flow the same when “him” or “‘im” was used. I need a plosive there. Suggestions?

Energized by a big poll lead over his anti-war rival [note: pigeonhole and not naming Lamont], Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman punched the air with his fist as he arrived at a campaign rally at a Cajun diner to cheers of “Let’s go Joe.”

Just over a week before the Nov. 7 election, the 2000 vice presidential nominee, who lost the Democratic primary because of his support for the Iraq war, appears headed for a fourth term on the strength of 18 years in the Senate and stances on issues such as health care [such as that rape victims can easily go to another hospital if they are denied emergency contraception. Also, his wife lobbies for pharmaceutical companies - Grumpy].

“We feel optimistic,” Lieberman, running as an independent, told supporters as he campaigned last week with Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu of Louisiana at the Rajun Cajun diner.

Although he counts on support from Republicans to win, Lieberman insists he remains a loyal Democrat [except for that part about rejecting the will of the party after losing the Democratic primary and running on his Lieberman for Lieberman ticket, with support of Rove and the NRCC - Grumpy] and will side with the party during Senate leadership votes.

But if he prevails over wealthy Democratic challenger Ned Lamont next week [Lieberman is also wealthy and has received far more donations from the top 1-percenters - Grumpy], his pro-war stance could clash with Democratic efforts to capitalize on public dissatisfaction with Iraq before the 2008 presidential election.

Biased, much?

His body visibly wracked by tremors, actor Michael J. Fox appears in a political ad that was the subject of widespread discussion on Monday after conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh claimed Fox was “either off his medication or acting.”
…
“I think this is exploitative in a way that’s unbecoming of either Claire McCaskill or Michael J. Fox,” Limbaugh said on his syndicated show.

On his Web site Tuesday, Limbaugh appeared to back away from his accusation.

“All I’m saying is I’ve never seen him the way he appears in this commercial for Claire McCaskill,” says Limbaugh. “So I will bigly, hugely admit that I was wrong, and I will apologize to Michael J. Fox, if I am wrong in characterizing his behavior on this commercial as an act, especially since people are telling me they have seen him this way on other interviews and in other television appearances.”

“As you might know I care deeply about stem cell research,” says Fox, who has struggled with Parkinson’s disease for more than a decade. “In Missouri you can elect Claire McCaskill, who shares my hope for cures.”

Here’s the ad with Michael J. Fox:

I never knew Fox got an American citizenship. Cool.

Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, and to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work

Looks like the GOP GOTV efforts this cycle at bringing the noise, bringin teh fundy isn’t working so well. I’ve been wondering when those idiots would realize they were being led by the nose by a party that promises the world but never follows through and abandon that party. Not that they’ll vote Dem, of course (no way, too many brownies in the Dems), but they won’t go to the polls for the GOP.

It’s a lot like crazy holocaust denier and anti-Semit Gibson’s My Bloody Masochistic Torture Orgasm Movie, where the fundies came out in droves herds. Nothing else is going to get those particular people to the movies, so unless they can be baited with another exercise in snuff porn, they’re just going to stay away.

Anyway, this election cycle, it looks like it may be happening. Witness:

The Nashville rally was almost canceled after organizers failed to sell the 6,000 tickets they needed to fill the city’s Municipal Auditorium, forcing them to hold the event in the Two Rivers Church. Similar events in recent weeks in Minneapolis-St. Paul and Pittsburgh also drew smaller-than-anticipated crowds.
…
Jerry Sutton, the senior pastor at Two Rivers Baptist Church in Nashville, said he believed Dobson’s effort would pay off. “There is a concerted effort to say conservative voters are going to stay home this year because they are disgusted with Mark Foley,” Sutton, 54, said. “It’s not going to work. Our congregation, we did voter registrations twice. They are very, very motivated to vote.”

I think his church should be renamed the Boss Daley Baptists. Their softball team is murder.

I seem to recall a certain IRS provision for 501(c)(3) tax exempt organizations regarding political activities. What was it again? Oh yes, nonprofit religious groups may not advocate for political parties.

Under the Internal Revenue Code, all section 501(c)(3) organizations are absolutely prohibited from directly or indirectly participating in, or intervening in, any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for elective public office.

Of course the IRS isn’t going to investigate this or revoke their tax exempt status. That would be targeting religiosity! They would never do that. Unless you make liberal, anti-Bushevik, or antiwar statement.

Not that stopping the fundie zombies from coming out on Nov. 7th is going to be sufficient for the Dems to take control, of course. In addition to the previously mentioned tactics by the GOP, there’s also a huge bias in our gerrymandered country in favor of the GOP.

If Bush had received the exact same vote share in 2004 that he received in 2000 (that is, 48 percent), he still would have managed to win in 239 of the nation’s 435 House districts—or almost 55 percent. He actually won 255 districts in 2004, or almost 59 percent, while winning around 51 percent of the vote (slightly higher if the calculation excludes Ralph Nader’s one percent). In other words, House districts are now drawn so that an evenly divided country can produce surprisingly lopsided GOP victories. Indeed, the Republicans gained seats in the House in 2004 only because of Tom DeLay’s redistricting scheme in Texas.

I’ve gotten a bit off track here, but to reiterate, the GOP has lost the fundie hordes for the moment.

See also: billmon

This doesn’t surprise me. Republicans have long been hypocrites when it came to the religious right. Even Ronald Reagan, the darling of the right-wing, ridiculed the Christian conservatives.

But Bush embraced the Bible thumpers with carefully-orchestrated public enthusiasm while he cursed like a sailor and ridiculed them behind closed doors. He called the Constitution a “goddamned piece of paper,” refers to political enemies as “fucking idiots” and lies without remorse to Congress, the American people.

Kuo’s book uncovers another sham by the Bush White House, another callous use of supporters for political gain and another lie from an administration whose record is built on deception.

God’s gonna get ‘em for that.

Be good to have less lies, suffering and death!
That’s the whole problem with being a diplomatic nation, no war!

::

The former page, who agreed to discuss his relationship with Foley with the Los Angeles Times on the condition that he not be identified, said his electronic correspondence with Foley began after he finished the respected Capitol Hill page program for high school juniors. His sexual encounter was in the fall of 2000, he said. At the time, he was 21 and a graduate of a rural Northeastern college.

If he fucked ‘em at 21, he fucked ‘em at 16.

On Monday, October 2, CREW sent a letter to the DOJ I.G.’s office, attaching exact copies of the emails CREW had sent to the FBI on July 21, 2006. Both the former page’s name and the person to whom the page forwarded Rep. Foley’s emails were clearly visible. Moreover, after CREW sent the emails to the FBI, CREW’s only subsequent contact with the Bureau was one telephone call from the special agent to whom CREW had sent the material confirming that the emails were from Rep. Foley. CREW had no further contact with the FBI.

In contrast with this new explanation for failing to investigate the Foley matter, The Washington Post has reported that an unnamed FBI official stated that the Bureau decided not to investigate after concluding that the emails “did not rise to the level of criminal activity.”

Melanie Sloan, CREW’s executive director said today, “the FBI cannot have it both ways; either it failed to investigate the Foley emails because they did not rise to a level of criminal activity or because it did not have adequate information to do so. Pick one.

Hmm, could it be the White House intervened, telling the FBI to scuttle the investigation?

Just despicable! With public servants like this we don’t need any enemies!

America deserves better!

::

If there were an Academy Award for Hypocrisy, the surefire favorite for 2006 would be the Democratic Party. Just two recent items make the decision a virtual certainty:

The Representative Foley “scandal” is really worthy of a whole book on hypocrisy. On the one hand, we have a poor misguided Republican man who had a romantic thing for young boys. He sent them suggestive e-mail. I agree, that’s not great. On the other hand, we have a Democratic party that worships (not likes, WORSHIPS) a man named Bill Clinton who did not send suggestive e-mails as far as we know, but who had a barely legal intern give him oral sex kneeling under his desk in the Oval Office while he talked on the phone to a Congressional Committee Chairman, took great pleasure in putting a cigar in her orifice and then smelling it and tasting it, and having her fellate him when in the sacred seat of power of the world’s leading Republic. And the Democrats cheer themselves hoarse for him. His wife has a great shot at being our next President.

We have a Republican man in Congress who sent e-mails to teenage boys asking them what they were wearing, and an entire party, the Democrats, whose primary constituency, besides the teachers’ unions, is homosexual men and lesbian women. I hope it won’t come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys.

If the American Spectator keeps putting out comedy this good, I may have to subscribe.

Oh, the author?

Let’s take the article step by step, shall we?
1. Foley’s actions are a “romantic thing for young boys.” Repeat that one slowly. Romantic. Young boys. You know, I wasn’t aware that every GOP donor pin came with a complimentary membership to NAMBLA before. It was just a romantic thing! For young boys! Nothing wrong with that!

2. It’s all about the Clenis. His consensual sexual relationship with an adult female whereby he received blowjobs is at least as bad – if not worse! – than Foley’s cruising of underage boys (including plying them with alcohol that they cannot legally drink).

3. Gay people are all pedophiles. I know. Because my best friend is gay! Gay gay gay!!!!11!11. Gay people are gay you know. And it’s all about they gayness. IGNORE THE AGE THING! Gay people! Gaydey gay gay gay!

4. George Allen is not a racist. I know this because he hung a confederate flag in his window and I did NOT HEAR YOU JUST SAY “NIGGER”, GEORGE. I. DID. NOT!

5. Robert Byrd was a member of the KKK. Therefore George Allen is not a racist, but the Democrats are.

Nice going Ben! That was the most enjoyable read I’ve had in ages. You truly are an awe-inspiring genius. A jaw dropper, one might say. Others, not me of course, might say mouthbreathing buffoon with no redeeming qualities outside of the intellectual heritage your father left you.

New slogan:
Vote GOP: Because one man’s sexual predation is just another’s romantic thing with little boys. And we’re “another’s”!

U.S. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said Monday that the Afghan guerrilla war can never be won militarily and called for efforts to bring the Taliban and their supporters into the Afghan government.

The Tennessee Republican said he had learned from briefings that Taliban fighters were too numerous and had too much popular support to be defeated by military means.

Theory: they’re trying to quiet Afghanistan down for their crazy fucking attack on Iran. Looks like Britain’s in on it too.

If the Dems had any kind of message machine at all – and were viciously partisan – they’d be over every media outlet in the country pointing out the “cut and runners” currently in charge of our government.

A 16-year-old male congressional page concerned about the appropriateness of an e-mail exchange with a congressman alerted Capitol Hill staffers to the communication.

Congressman Mark Foley’s office says the e-mails were entirely appropriate and that their release is part of a smear campaign by his opponent.

In the series of e-mails, obtained by ABC News, between the page and Rep. Foley (R-FL), Foley asks the page how old he is, what he wants for his birthday and requests a photo of him.

Funny, but the style of writing that Foley is using to woo/stalk the 16 year old boy are highly reminiscent of Wrinkle Dick’s literary stylings.

Based on history and writing styles, I’m going to go on a limb and opine that Foley’s intentions with the underage boy(s) were just as aboveboard and platonic as Wrinkle Dick’s were with Ms. Grumpy. I wonder if anyone has ever seen Wrinkle Dick and Foley in the same room at the same time?

Update: ABC has evidence of explicit sexual statements Foley made via IM. ‘ware the IM logs!

Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) just resigned from Congress, ABC reports. Apparently, in addition to his not-quite-gross-but-certainly-inappropriate emails revealed yesterday, ABC had obtained “excerpts of instant messages provided by former pages who said the congressman, under the AOL Instant Messenger screen name Maf54, made repeated references to sexual organs and acts.”

Update 2: Wrinkle Dick Foley resigns. Guess it was a live boy situation then. Also note, he was co-chairman of the Missing and Exploited Children Caucus.

Update 3: it turns out that, much like the Catholic church, the GOP knew about Foley’s actions for almost a year.

From the WaPo:

The resignation rocked the Capitol, and especially Foley’s GOP colleagues, as lawmakers were rushing to adjourn for at least six weeks. House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) told The Washington Post last night that he had learned this spring of some “contact” between Foley and a 16-year-old page. Boehner said he told House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.), and that Hastert assured him “we’re taking care of it.”

It was not immediately clear what actions Hastert took. His spokesman had said earlier that the speaker did not know of the sexually charged e-mails between Foley and the boy.

Hastert and Pope Panzerfaust, like peas and carrots. Time to resign, Denny.

New message for ’06 midterms: vote GOP if you support homosexual teenage sex with 40+ year old men.

Update 4: from DU

Update 5: This just keeps getting better, in the “you’re busted, you pedophilic hypocrite” way. Here’s a section of the IM logs (Maf54 = Foley) (it formats long, so after the jump)

Maf54 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:38 PM): lol no

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:40 PM): im single right now

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:57 PM): my last gf and i broke up a few weeks agi

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): are you

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny

Xxxxxxxxx (7:47:29 PM): lol…a bit

Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:04 PM): no

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:16 PM): been too tired and too busy

Maf54 (7:48:33 PM): wow…

Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:51 PM): haha

Maf54 (7:50:02 PM): or tired..helps me sleep

Xxxxxxxxx (7:50:15 PM): thats true

Xxxxxxxxx (7:50:36 PM): havent been having a problem with sleep though.. i just walk in the door and collapse well at least this weekend

Maf54 (7:50:56 PM): i am sure

Xxxxxxxxx (7:50:57 PM): i dont do it very often normally though

Maf54 (7:51:11 PM): why not

Maf54 (7:51:22 PM): at your age seems like it would be daily

Xxxxxxxxx (7:51:57 PM): not me

Xxxxxxxxx (7:52:01 PM): im not a horn dog

Xxxxxxxxx (7:52:07 PM): maybe 2 or 3 times a week

Maf54 (7:52:20 PM): thats a good number

Maf54 (7:52:27 PM): in the shower

Xxxxxxxxx (7:52:36 PM): actually usually i dont do it in the shower

Xxxxxxxxx (7:52:42 PM): just cause i shower in the morning

Xxxxxxxxx (7:52:47 PM): and quickly

Maf54 (7:52:50 PM): in the bed

Xxxxxxxxx (7:52:59 PM): i get up at 530 and am outta the house by 610

Xxxxxxxxx (7:53:03 PM): eh ya

Maf54 (7:53:24 PM): on your back

Xxxxxxxxx (7:53:30 PM): no face down

Maf54 (7:53:32 PM): love details

Xxxxxxxxx (7:53:34 PM): lol

Xxxxxxxxx (7:53:36 PM): i see that

Xxxxxxxxx (7:53:37 PM): lol

Maf54 (7:53:39 PM): really

Maf54 (7:53:54 PM): do you really do it face down

Xxxxxxxxx (7:54:03 PM): ya

Maf54 (7:54:13 PM): kneeling

Xxxxxxxxx (7:54:31 PM): well i dont use my hand…i use the bed itself

Maf54 (7:54:31 PM): where do you unload it

Xxxxxxxxx (7:54:36 PM): towel

Maf54 (7:54:43 PM): really

Maf54 (7:55:02 PM): completely naked?

Xxxxxxxxx (7:55:12 PM): well ya

Maf54 (7:55:21 PM): very nice

Xxxxxxxxx (7:55:24 PM): lol

Maf54 (7:55:51 PM): cute butt bouncing in the air

Xxxxxxxxx (7:56:00 PM): haha

Xxxxxxxxx (7:56:05 PM): well ive never watched myslef

Xxxxxxxxx (7:56:08 PM): but ya i guess

Maf54 (7:56:18 PM): i am sure not

Maf54 (7:56:22 PM): hmmm

Maf54 (7:56:30 PM): great visual

Maf54 (7:56:39 PM): i may try that

Xxxxxxxxx (7:56:43 PM): it works

Maf54 (7:56:51 PM): hmm

Maf54 (7:56:57 PM): sound inetersting

Maf54 (7:57:05 PM): i always use lotion and the hand

Maf54 (7:57:10 PM): but who knows

Xxxxxxxxx (7:57:24 PM): i dont use lotion…takes too much time to clean up

Xxxxxxxxx (7:57:37 PM): with a towel you can just wipe off….and go

Maf54 (7:57:38 PM): lol

Maf54 (7:57:45 PM): where do you throw the towel

Xxxxxxxxx (7:57:48 PM): but you cant work it too hard….or its not good

Xxxxxxxxx (7:57:51 PM): in the laundry

Maf54 (7:58:16 PM): just kinda slow rubbing

Xxxxxxxxx (7:58:23 PM): ya….

Xxxxxxxxx (7:58:32 PM): or youll rub yourslef raw

Maf54 (7:58:37 PM): well I have aa totally stiff wood now

Arar was also listed as “an Islamic extremist individual” who was in the Washington area on Sept. 11. The report concluded that he had no involvement in Islamic extremism and was on business in San Diego that day, said the head of the inquiry commission, Ontario Justice Dennis O’Connor.

Arar, now 36, was detained by U.S. authorities as he changed planes in New York on Sept. 26, 2002. He was held for questioning for 12 days, then flown by jet to Jordan and driven to Syria. He was beaten, forced to confess to having trained in Afghanistan — where he never has been — and then kept in a coffin-size dungeon for 10 months before he was released, the Canadian inquiry commission found.

O’Connor concluded that “categorically there is no evidence” that Arar did anything wrong or was a security threat.

Not only do we need to abduct people, torture them until they confess to crimes they have not committed, and leave them to rot in a small box in order to be safe, but this will also win the hearts and minds of the Muslims! Because America is exceptional!

It is only by spreading such policies, particularly as spread on the tips of armor piercing bullets or in the bellies of dropped bombs, that the Muslims can see just how serious we are about freedom and democracy.

Bush flatly states that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 (and of course no one in the administration suggested otherwise)

From the What Liberal Media? pt. 523 files, the Washington Post “quotes” Bush talking about Iraq, but edits his statement in a way that makes him appear more serious… without informing their readers.

Bush loves fart jokes, farting in front of aides, and is terrified of women. That’s the leader of the free world there, people.

Pat Buchanan… white supremacist.

Lieberman is the de facto GOP candidate for senator from Connecticut.

In case you’ve been in a cave, this is Ann:

Notice anyting? Besides the nicotine-stretched skin, anorexia, and dead eyes, that is. Let me help:

More?

I hear what you’re saying. What if she’s just a dessicated zombie skank and not an aging drag queen who got all of her makeup tips from Divine?

That bulge could just be her neck vertebrae showing through the neck region and only slightly cushioned by the 300 scarabs she had to ingest as part of the revitalization ritual! And what if she’s an alien, dude? Have you ever considered that?

I’ll admit, that picture is strong evidence of extraterrestrial origin. That neck! It’s straight out of that one stretchy neck grey alien movie! Those 2-meter forelimbs! The totally fake tits!

And who could blame an alien or a dessicated zombie skank for plagiarizing? Not me! No sir. But wait! Do you hear that? The riff is coming back again…

I can’t imagine why that keeps playing in my head.

Now it’s entirely possible that this billboard is a joke, but given the death of irony in the 20th century and right wingers’ noted lack of humor… I’m going to guess these people are dead serious in their iconography (or is it idolatry now?) of Rambesus. Dead. Serious.

BTW, rambesians, the line after “they drew first blood” is “not me.”[fn1] “I’ll be back” is from The Terminator.

P.S. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Rambesus is sporting some wood up there. And by “wood,” I mean “raging hardon in anticipation of violent action, bitches! Now pinch my nipples!” That kind of wood.

P.P.S. Unless Rambesus’ flesh is stone or some other sufficiently strong-yet-unbreakable material, the wood on the crucifix wouldn’t break when he pulled on the nine inch nails. The best guess of what actually happens is that Rambesus pulls the arm hard enough to fully get the nail through the other side, thus shattering the bones, tearing tendons and veins, and rendering the limb useless. It would be a gory, horrible mess to rip your own arm off of a crucifix.

I dunno, maybe it’s one of those newfangled crucifixes with the breakaway arms and side-impact airbags. For safety, you know.

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was detained at Palm Beach International Airport for the possible possession of illegal prescription drugs Monday evening.

Limbaugh was returning on a flight from the Dominican Republic when customs officials found a Viagra prescription that did not bear his name. Instead, the bottle of pills had the names of two doctors on it according to the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents examined the 55-year-old’s luggage after his private plane landed at the airport from the Dominican Republic. The matter was then turned over to the Sheriff’s Office. Investigators seized the drugs – used to treat erectile dysfunction – from Limbaugh.

You just know this has to violate his probation agreement. Anyone know if there’s a 2-strike law in Florida with no judicial discretion? FSM doesn’t love me that much, I know (love me, bitch! I’ll even make some butter sauce for you!), but I thought it was worth asking.

He was probably just looking for a new mannish news anchor on a crappy network for a little beachtime lovin’ in the DR (you know, one who won’t dump his ass). Can’t you just imagine him whispering sweet genocidal bigoted nothings in her ear? Can’t you just hear him scream “what’s my anal cyst’s name, baby! Say my ANAL CYST’s name!” as he comes?

[fn1]

If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here in the corner pouring Drano in my skull to cleanse this image from my mind.

[fn1] Yes, I know I’m going to hell for this picture. In my defense someone else made this first for a now-defunct politics site and then someone besides those guys posted it on flickr, and then I modified it to take out the face of the (no longer BDWC’s gf) woman. Because I’m thoughtful like that.

Update: Wolcott joins the fray

Now there is no shame in requiring wood enhancement. Men have needs, and if Viagra enables the little fella to jut proudly from the folds of the dragon kimono bequeathed to Rush by the late Allan Bloom, it is not for us to cast judgement.

Dragon kimono. Nice one.

Update: Also, Firedoglake is totally copying me (see here and here, the second referring to a different-than-this post o’ mine, and I’ve had this photo available on my VoldemortSite for over 3 years!). Man, some people… Sure, they may say independent creation. They may say obviousness. They may even saaaay great minds think alike. But whatev… flattery!

That’s OK Firedoglaketistas, I’ll let you ride on Grumpy’s coattails. This once. And turn down that music! Damn kids.

Update 2: no charges against bloatie… yet. Note that the trip was an all-male excursion to the Dominican Republic, along with the producers of that wonderful pro-torture series 24 (and an actress on that show is currently, *shudder*, Shamu’s lover. Think she’s happy about the trip?). I wonder what they were doing there? Probably scouting for baseball talent.

Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking at a political luncheon in Chicago, denounced the decision to reveal the existence of the financial monitoring program and the earlier-disclosed National Security Agency surveillance program.

“What I find most disturbing about these stories is that some of the news media take it upon themselves to disclose vital national security programs, thereby making it more difficult for us to prevent future attacks against the American people,” Cheney said. “That offends me.”

Disclose vital national security programs, like, oh, blowing the cover of undercover operatives trying to keep nukes out of the hands of dangerous despots for domestic political goals?

O’REILLY: So because — what you have here now is a tipping point in history. A tipping point in history. So you have to win the Iraq situation. Now, to me, they’re not fighting it hard enough. See, if I’m president, I’ve got probably another 50-60,000 with orders to shoot on sight anybody violating curfews. Shoot ‘em on sight. That’s me. President O’Reilly, curfew in Ramadi, 7 o’clock at night. You’re on the street, you’re dead. I shoot you right between the eyes. OK?

That’s how I’d run that country — just like Saddam ran it. Saddam didn’t have explosions. He didn’t have bombers, did he? Because if you got out of line, you’re dead.

But of course, if you didn’t support the Iraq war, you hated freedom Freedom and America. Because Saddam was BAD! Bad bad bad!

… But boy he really kept those trains running on time, didn’t he?