1) Who do you think is going to win the election?

A) John McCain: 53% (39)
B) Barack Obama: 47% (34)

2) Do you think Sarah Palin has been a plus or a minus to the ticket?

A) Minus: 9% (7)
B) Plus: 91% (68)

3) How do you feel about Sarah Palin as a candidate?

A) I really like her!: 80% (61)
B) She’s so-so.: 12% (9)
C) I’m not a big fan!: 8% (6)

4) The Republican Party did poorly in the 2006 election and even if McCain wins is on track to do poorly again in this year’s Congressional races. If you had to choose between these two options, do you think that’s because they were…

A) Too conservative: 9% (7)
B) Not conservative enough: 91% (67)

5) Do you believe the mainstream media’s coverage has been…

A) Relatively fair and even handed.: 0% (0)
B) Slightly biased in favor of Barack Obama.: 4% (3)
C) Slightly biased in favor of John McCain.: 0% (0)
D) Heavily biased in favor of Barack Obama.: 96% (72)
E) Heavily biased in favor of John McCain.: 0% (0)

6) Do you think Barack Obama is…

A) Honest (Yes or no?)

Yes: 11% (8)
No: 89% (66)

B) Patriotic (Yes or no?)

Yes: 24% (18)
No: 76% (57)

C) Qualified to be President (Yes or no?)

Yes: 12% (9)
No: 88% (66)

Guaranteed permanent Democrat majority!

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I’ve long thought that anyone undecided at this stage, particularly in this or the previous two elections, should lose their suffrage. They’ve abandoned their basic duties as citizens and/or are simply too stupid to breathe. That description is, of course, identical to that of your average GOP voter, only without all of the book burning. The focus on undecideds is silly – it’s a panderfest for people who eat paste.

“troglodyte homunculus” … awesome!

Good times.

Anyway, today Fafnir did an interview with Hillary.

FB: Now, back when your husband was president he cut nine million poor women and children off welfare. But now you’re the candidate of women and poor people and poor workin women. So did you approve of what your husband did at the time, and if not are you going to reverse it as president and give all those poor people their money back?

CLINTON: Ha haaa! That’s an excellent question, Fafnir, and the only way to answer it is with a hearty chuckle followed by a complete non sequitur!

FB: Ha ha, that is so true!

CLINTON: You know, I wish I could make all those women’s lives better, I really do. But in a way, wouldn’t it help all of them even more if we could just make one woman’s life a whole lot better, and then say it sort of counts towards all those other women who aren’t getting anything? And wouldn’t it be even better-er if that one woman was me?

FB: You know, you just can’t argue with that math! Now are you running for president of Iraq, too? Because then your vote for the war totally makes sense!

CLINTON: I didn’t vote for the war, Fafnir. I voted to give the president the authority to go to war. What was he going to use that authority for? Maybe he’d just frame it and hang it in his office. Maybe he’d use it to prop up one of the legs on his desk. Maybe he’d use it to sing songs and dance jigs and lift weary spirits down at the old folks home! I honestly couldn’t say!

FB: If only you knew at the time that that devious George Bush would use a war authorization to authorize a war!

CLINTON: You know, I guess I’m just too giving. Maybe I just love my country too much to deny it the universal health care and endless wars it so desperately needs. Maybe some theoretical secret black Muslim who hates America wouldn’t have that problem.

Awesome. Also, brutal.

You actually seem to think one a’ these assholes is gonna prance in and wave a magic wand and make everything all nice again. Look at you, sitting there like a common fucking schnook and eating all their bull about bi-fucking-partisanship, and how they have all the goddamn answers. Let me tell you something: These fags are dogshit compared to Jimmy fucking Carter, all right? I was arbitrating Mideast crises when this bunch was still sucking on their mamas’ titties.

But who comes to me, huh? Fucking nobody. Why ask old Jimmy anything? What the fuck could he know about peace in the Middle East? It’s not like he fucking won the Nobel Peace Prize for that shit. You myopic pricks. Back in ’79, I sat Sadat and Begin right down and made those two dicklicks shake hands. It was beautiful—I had all the pieces lined up and I smiled and waved in my best fucking suit and tie right there on TV. And what do you do, you pieces of shit? You screw the whole goddamn pooch.

Cocksuckers.

Oh, what’s that I hear? The weather’s all screwy? You got a global warming problem? Boo-fucking-hoo! I was telling you morons to turn off your lights and unplug all your shit at night to conserve energy in 19-fuckin’-75, for chrissake. Gee, I wonder what woulda happened if we’d all switched to solar power like I fucking did back when we had a fucking chance to do something about it. Think we’d still be sucking Saudi Arabia’s dick like a five-dollar whore? I sure as fuck didn’t get no fancy Oscar for that little spiel, though, did I? No. But Al Gore, that cum-sucking pig, steals the shit from me and now he’s the greatest thing since Jesus Christ made a fucking sandwich.

Yesterday

Watch the tape for yourself–no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly claim that the boats shown were not acting in a threatening and reckless manner. And Majd has absolutely no evidence on which to base his accusation that the Pentagon manufactured or concocted any of this.

Today

Just two days after the U.S. Navy released the eerie video of Iranian speedboats swarming around American warships, which featured a chilling threat in English, the Navy is saying that the voice on the tape could have come from the shore or from another ship.

The near-clash occurred over the weekend in the Strait of Hormuz. On the U.S.-released recording, a voice can be heard saying to the Americans, “I am coming to you. You will explode after a few minutes.”

The Navy never said specifically where the voices came from, but many were left with the impression they had come from the speedboats because of the way the Navy footage was edited.

It’s time to wrap up the comic strip “Sally Forth” and put her in the recycle bin.

I was appalled at Wednesday’s comic making light of Ted stealing a computer from his office. When the next comic didn’t go anywhere toward explaining that he didn’t mean it or that he was getting his comeuppance, that finished any interest I had in the strip. The comeuppance may show up in a few days, but with our short memories and occasional neglect of the comics page, it will be too little too late to do any good.

I haven’t liked “Sally Forth” for some time; it’s tiresome that she always, always gets the last word. When this feminist comic star first appeared in print, it was a delightful change. But that was then. It’s gone on too long and is too one-sided.

Please get rid of it and bring back “Arlo and Janice.” They have a very intelligent cat.

Beverly Haywood

Juneau

and here’s the strip at issue:

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.

Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

…

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

I… I… ehhhh, there’s really no need to snark in a witty-yet-devastatingly-cutting way, is there? Res ipsa, baby!

I wish I knew how to quit you, Brady.

I’m a tight end
but I hope one day
to be your wide receiver
how I long for you to hit meeeee
in the slot

Genius!

KARL ROVE SAID LAST YEAR that the question of realignment–whether Republicans have at last become the majority party–would be decided by the election of 2004. And it has. Even by the cautious reckoning of Rove, President Bush’s chief political adviser, Republicans now have both an operational majority in Washington (control of the White House, Senate, and the House of Representatives) and an ideological majority in the country (51 percent popular vote for a center-right president). They also control a majority of governorships, a plurality of state legislatures, and are at rough parity with Democrats in the number of state legislators. Rove says that under Bush a “rolling realignment” favoring Republicans continues, and he’s right. So Republican hegemony in America is now expected to last for years, maybe decades.

h/t to BoonDoggle

The GOP lost. Conservatism prevailed.

See also: RS #1

The movement shall never die! See also:

The Party did not fail the people. The people failed the Party.

and

Marxism did not fail: it was never tried

Others: shorter Thomas @ RS, in quite the exquisite violent fabulist post – the Dems didn’t beat us, we impaled ourselves on long poles and slowly felt the sharpened wooden spikes crawl through our intestines, eventually piercing our hearts as our bowels are voided and shit runs down our legs. Oh wait, that’s not shorter.

The Democrats did not win this battle. We locked our finest spears in the ground and plunged ourselves upon them.

RS #3

Buncha commies. The lot of them.

“I would like to meet the fearless anti-Jew warrior, Melvin Gibson,” [Borat said]. “We agree with his comments that the Jews started all wars. We also have proof that they were responsible for killing off all the dinosaurs. And Hurricane Katrina – they did it.”

…

Gibson was not alone in being lampooned by Cohen, who is Jewish, as he joked about O.J. Simpson, Pamela Anderson (who appears in Borat ) and President Bush. “Kazakhstan very much admires your mighty warlord, George Walter Bush,” Cohen said. “He is a very wise man and also a strong man – but perhaps not as strong as his father, Barbara.”

One week ’til the movie comes out!

(from this week’s Variety)

MOUNT PLEASANT, PA—Anthony Pennline, 28, decided Tuesday, following a random encounter at a coffee shop with 26-year old acquaintance April Geyer, that their cordial, 45-minute conversation along with his offer to walk her home basically constituted a date. “I mean, it wasn’t official or anything, but if I had asked her to have coffee with me, and she were to have said yes, the result would have been exactly the same,” said Pennline, adding that the encounter was even more of a date when he offered to buy her another cup of coffee. “It’s pretty clear she’s probably really into me.” According to Pennline, he has dated two other girls this month, the first of which occurred spontaneously during the happy-hour reception of his high-school reunion, and the second at the movies when he briefly spoke to a woman before the theater went dark.

That’s almost as good as this week’s Op-Ed

I can barely keep it together at work today. It’s impossible to focus. Every time I try to get something done, my palms start to sweat, my head spins, and I think about you, with your eyes half-closed and your head thrown back under that hot, steaming water, talking about how our current foreign policy is counterproductive to its stated objective because it is allowing Islamic extremist groups to exploit the U.S.-led conflict in Iraq to recruit an ever-growing number of anti-American jihadists.

You’ve always known exactly how to drive me wild.

I’m going nuts over here. It’s all I can do not to drop everything, sprint to the car, speed over to your place, throw you down, and feel your breath on my ear as you tell me that America’s unpopular, misinformed actions and its unwillingness to open any productive dialogues have had the effect of alienating our allies, and subsequently contributed to the inability to craft a true allied coalition in the War on Terror.

God, I love it when you do that.
…
Or when you said that Camus’ use of dualism was not morbid in nature, but put forth so that we might enjoy fleeting happiness when it occurs. Admittedly, that conversation was a little one-sided due to the ball gag.

I’m trembling just at the thought of having scintillating intercourse with you again and I don’t know if I can even make it until Friday evening. I hope you’re still free. I can’t wait to come over with a bottle of wine so we can really get down and dirty with our thoughts about the ongoing genocide in Darfur.

Foreign policy is hot! (as are maudlin affectations of romantic language issued in overbearingly sincere tones by bald men)

This doesn’t surprise me. Republicans have long been hypocrites when it came to the religious right. Even Ronald Reagan, the darling of the right-wing, ridiculed the Christian conservatives.

But Bush embraced the Bible thumpers with carefully-orchestrated public enthusiasm while he cursed like a sailor and ridiculed them behind closed doors. He called the Constitution a “goddamned piece of paper,” refers to political enemies as “fucking idiots” and lies without remorse to Congress, the American people.

Kuo’s book uncovers another sham by the Bush White House, another callous use of supporters for political gain and another lie from an administration whose record is built on deception.

God’s gonna get ‘em for that.

Be good to have less lies, suffering and death!
That’s the whole problem with being a diplomatic nation, no war!

::

Love your kids? Prove it by beating them.

How come everyone today is too much of a pussy to smack their kids around? That’s what I want to know: why are parents afraid to beat their kids? When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass. We didn’t have a conversation about it. I didn’t have a “time out.” In fact, I’ve never even once been grounded in my life. What’s the point? Send your kid to his room and make him play video games and read comic books all day? Great idea, why don’t you take him to a psychiatrist while you’re at it so she can pull some disorder out of her ass to hide the fact that you’re a bad parent?

Still, it’s entertaining enough to be worth your 5 minutes or so.