Grumpasaurus.com

Yet more proof that conservatives are like kryptonite to irony. Or subtlety. Or plain meaning, for that matter.

Lennonism [John J. Miller]

K Lo: I’m with you on “Imagine” — love the piano, hate the lyrics. A band called A Perfect Circle has a great cover version. The music is bleak and the vocals are subdued. It’s a much-needed deconstruction of the song. It’s like the anti-”Imagine.” I’m not sure the musicians intended it that way, but that’s the result, by my lights. Definitely worth a 99-cent download.

A few things:

1. The Perfect Circle cover is fairly horrible as a piece of music, actually. It’s like awesomeness on valium, sifted through gauze, and then drained of life force. Which is not to say the original Imagine is awesome, but the cover was filtered through that mysterious substance known as AwesomeX
2. I’m sure that Miller, should he choose to investigate, would love the much-needed deconstruction of Maynard James Keenan (whom I personally think is fantabulous; he’s the singer. Also, a vet!). See also: Dirty Harry by Gorillaz, Born in the USA by Springsteen, And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda by The Pogues, et. al. Don’t forget Gandhi!
3. Imagine by Perfect Circle was recorded in 2003 and released in 2004. Hmm… that time seems so familiar. Anyone remember what was happening around that time? Anyone. Drawing a blank here.
4. One might, uh, imagine that in this here world of the internetwebby thing, the video might be on the YT, and might, you know, display the intent of the artists:

Wow. Real hard times for some former subprime lending institution execs.

Mysti was one of the last people out the door at New Century Financial, once the nation’s No. 2 subprime lender. She had been in charge of e-commerce customer service with dozens of employees reporting to her. It was at New Century where the Copes met in 2000.

Kent worked for several of the firms that helped give birth to the industry, which specializes in making loans to people with less-than-perfect credit, in the 1990s. He has been out of work since August when he was laid off by Friedman, Billings, Ramsey Group (FBR) unit First NLC Financial Services.

Yeah, tough times. I feel for you guy-

Despite their financial problems, the Copes have worked hard to protect their credit rating, staying current on bills. And they’ve made cutbacks: trading in Kent’s Corvette for a Suburban and getting rid of the gardener, for example. But the couple also has learned that it didn’t need everything it used to spend money on.

Nevermind.

Special bonus points for being a midlife crisis, ‘vette driving, trophy/daughter’s age wife havin douchebag sugar daddy wannabe with no job. And being named “Kent.” Though that one’s probably not completely his fault.

I found this in a bunker near Tikrit

…

Teen faces WMD charge after plastic egg explodes

An 18-year-old Elizabethtown man is charged with possessing a weapon of mass destruction and other offenses over a plastic egg explosion.

Police say he ignited a plastic egg filled with plastic air-gun pellets in a flea market, hitting at least five people and causing alarm. It happened Saturday afternoon at a Saturday’s Market in Londonderry Township, Dauphin County.

Ignoring, for the moment, the patent absurdity of charging someone with using a “weapon of mass destruction” when that “weapon” caused, and could cause, no destruction at all, let alone “mass destruction” and all of the negative reflections upon the state of our society and policing if this charge were indeed levied… is it even possible to lay this charge on the kid?

Mebbe.

Pennsylvania statutes¹ show that this incident probably meets the statutory definition … but only by the barest whisker, if at all. The statute allows for bring this charge if a person “without lawful authority to do so, intentionally, knowingly or recklessly possesses or manufactures a weapon of mass destruction.”²

Naturally, this begs the question: what is a weapon of mass destruction under Pennsylvania law?

I’m glad you asked, Johnny! Because the answer is in the same statute. A “weapon of mass destruction” is “A biological agent, bomb, chemical agent or nuclear agent.”

A plastic egg filled with plastic pellets is not a biological, chemical, or nuclear agent, leaving the only possibility of bomb. What is the definition of “bomb” under this statute? “An explosive device used for unlawful purposes.”

And that’s where the sliver of possibility resides. I’m pretty sure the egg went BANG and was used in the creation of calamity, thus it likely satisfies both elements of the definition. Absurd, but likely.

Now, this statute, or at least that provision, is certainly ripe for some constitutional void-for-vagueness challenges (a “bomb” is a weapon of mass destruction? Really? No matter how big?), which I’m certain we won’t see here as the strategy was likely one intended to make the kid take a plea bargain. By a similar reading of this statute, it would make no difference if the kid had a plastic egg, EFP, or a box full of Pop-Its that scared three biddies.

Welcome to the new GOP world of bedwetting fear. Make sure you carry spare undies for every time a gnat farts in your direction.

and the winner for the I really should have shut up instead of tried to pander award for today is… Mitt Romney

As he posed for a picture with a group of young people, the typically old-fashioned Romney was relaxed enough to quote from a popular hit single from a few years back.

“Who let the dogs out?” he called out, as he stood there beaming in his shirt and tie. “Who! Who!”

Hey, at least it wasn’t racist or appearing with a pro-apartheid Mason on MLK day like Saint John McCain (a holiday McCain voted against creating, by the way), right?

Dude. I don’t like you, but it’s embarrassing to see you do this. It’s not hard to correct: Take a deep breath. Think of the optics. Stop saying stupid shit.

I think it’s fair to say that the Republicans were the party of ideas for a pretty long chunk of time there over the last 10-15 years in the sense that they were challenging conventional wisdom.

(this is from the back end of the talk we discussed earlier)

Jesus fuck, who’s your advisor? Bob Shrum? The tone deafness is astounding. For such a “charismatic” guy who has been so successful politically, this is embarrassing. I don’t care if you don’t agree with those ideas, I don’t care if you disagree with those ideas, this is one of those sound bites you just can’t do.

You know who calls the GOP the “party of ideas”? The GOP.

Idiot.

And it’s not just the right you’re handing these openings to: Bill Clinton immediately got on Obama’s ass with a mischaracterization of what Obama said and Bulldog Edwards attacked him for it too. And these guys are pussycats compared to the GOP slime machine, and you know what the GOP guys are calling Obama right now? “Meat.”

How about these ideas: universal health insurance, protecting the environment, protecting civil liberties,¹ fairness, respect, an end to oligopolies, freedom of speech, religion, and association,², fair hours, fair wages, equality, respect, suffrage, education, and justice for all.

You know why the GOP had these “ideas”? Because they were radical abominations that had been rejected time and time again by good thinking people the world over for the last 70 years? They weren’t ideas so much as totalitarian fantasies that Newtie thought up when he was between fart bubbles playing with his GI Joes in the bathtub (and whatever the prehistoric version of the same would be. Neanderthals lived the Contract on America. Look where it got them!).

The wingnut welfare machine was specifically designed to incubate “thinkers” in “think tanks” who would “think” out “ideas.” Crappy, unoriginal ideas, but that’s what they called them. Then they would sell these “ideas” to via more wingnut welfare through their well-lubed connections to the corporate media. The media would then report these “ideas” as something “new.”

Sigh. Gimme Edwards. Please. At least he stays on message (actually, he’s almost inhuman in that ability. Unsinkable Johnnie Ed!)

Be sure to point out that they are bad ideas the next time you do something this stupid, OK? kthx.

Lucky duckies working longer hours and having two jobs == FANtastic! (now stay away from my inheritance the death tax!)

I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We’re the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs.

To me, the statement is an indictment on our country and current way of life. How is it that we can live in the wealthiest, most advanced¹, bestest country in the world… and our people have to work harder and longer than any other developed nation just to scrape by? We’ve got more than we need of food, toys, things, and space. Why is it that our society is like this?²

But I didn’t say that. Michelle Bachmann did.

Who is she? Michelle Bachmann (R-MN), a bosom buddy of Bush the lesser and a christianist of the strongest sort. She graduated from a nonaccredited law school (and still got a job being an attorney for the IRS) that was an adjunct of Oral Roberts university (gee, that situation sure sounds familiar) and her stances are strongest when they are anti-gay, anti-choice, and anti-separation of church and state.

But it’s not like her statement is out of the norm for for her social circle. Just ask “never had to work a day in my life” Bush!

GEORGE W. BUSH: Good. Okay, Mary, tell us about yourself.

MS. MORNIN: Okay, I’m a divorced, single mother with three grown, adult children. I have one child, Robbie, who is mentally challenged, and I have two daughters.
…
MS. MORNIN: That’s good, because I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.

GEORGE W. BUSH: You work three jobs?

MS. MORNIN: Three jobs, yes.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that. (Applause.) Get any sleep? (Laughter.)

MS. MORNIN: Not much. Not much.

You know, when he said “Uniquely American,” I think he meant that it was something we should be proud of. What a moron.

On a political note: why on earth do the poor or middle class ever vote Republican? ³ GOP has none of your interests at heart. None! Seriously, the GOP are the Whigs of the 21st century. It’s just embarassing.

They came out to play-ee-ay the only way they know how, by (ironically) coordinating a fascist campaign to remove the best takedown EVAR!! of a shitty book from Google results. Pussies.

And yet it appears that Google has decided to punish this modest blogger despite the fact that I am actually a victim of this nefarious attempt to hijack Google. Google has now erased all traces of my piece “Jonah Goldberg’s Shining (Liberal Fascism with LOLCats)” from search results for the phrase “Liberal Fascism.” While it was once in the Top 10 of results for a search on the words “Liberal Fascism” it is now missing from that search entirely. Despite the fact that my piece has 94 links, according to Technorati, Google has decided that after the Amazon page for the book, the most informative links for the words “Liberal Fascism” include a Think Progress piece from two years ago that is not really about the book, with 9 links; a piece from The Corner (0 links) about all the great reviews the book has received; a piece by Cactus from the Angry Bear (1 link), who, like me, has not actually read the book; another piece from two years ago by Brendan Nyhan (4 links) ridiculing the book; and a page from the Urban Dictionary (27 links) defining a word that I cannot repeat here since this is a family-safe blog. (Update: The Urban Dictionary page has now moved into the Number One slot ahead of the Amazon page.)

In case you didn’t see it before, here’s the article again.

The right ain’t got nothin if they don’t have an aggrieved self-perception of victimhood. Latest example, the whiny idiots at RedState

Dear RedState Reader:

I have, as they say, some good news and some bad news.

(Short version: We need you to open your wallet and give what you can to build RedState 3.0. Go here to help. We need the money ASAP.)

The good news first: RedState.com is about to embark on a major upgrade of our website that will make it easier, more informative, and just plain more fun for you to visit.

The bad news: our liberal “friends” – you know, the ones who believe so strongly in free speech and open debate – have done what they can to prevent us from making these improvements, so that our influence will be minimized just as we head into the 2008 presidential primary season.

No, our Blue State buddies haven’t succeeded in stopping us from improving our website. But they’ve made it more difficult and more expensive – which is why I’m coming to you for help.

Let me explain …

You see, when we started RedState in May of 2004, we used a website program called Scoop — the same program a lot of similar sites on the left used. But, as the number of visitors to our site grew, Scoop kept crashing on us.

If we’d been a liberal website, we would have been able to fix the problem quickly and relatively cheaply. The online left loves Scoop. Unfortunately, there weren’t really any conservative Scoop developers out there to help us. We kept crashing and were out of money. We had to close down or take drastic action.

Well, we didn’t close down. We ditched Scoop and moved to the best alternative at the time, a program called Drupal. But, in accomplishing the switch, budget constraints forced us to sacrifice some popular site features in order to alleviate the strain on our overused servers.

Needless to say, we always regarded those “downgrades” as temporary, and we hoped to restore the eliminated features – and to add new and even better ones – as soon as we could afford to.

Unfortunately, we still can’t afford to. But we’re convinced that America can afford even less to have us operating at anything less than our absolute peak potential during the coming presidential election season.

So we’ve decided to move ahead with our upgrades without delay, and despite not having the cash on hand – hoping and praying that RedState.com readers like you will help us make up the shortfall with a generous donation.

Here, specifically, is what we’re planning to accomplish with your generous financial support …

[emphasis added]

Hahahahah… so, let me get this straight: the liberals, through their creation of the entire free-as-in-speech and free-as-in-beer software known as Scoop and Drupal were purposefully ratfucking conservative sites because… conservative programmers wouldn’t work for free? Pretty sneaky there moonbats!

Let me try again: Hi, we’re conservatives! We’re using socialized software that we aren’t paying for and we don’t want to pay anyone the value of their labor to code for us, so can you please give us some welfare money? kthxbai

Self awareness? Not for this bunch.

Side note: RedState is owned by a conservative media organization that had more than $8MM in sales last year, and they still can’t keep a shitty site operative. And people think conservatives are the successful business party?

Bill Richardson can sit n’ spin

Kucinich has thrown his second-round support behind Obama, and the rumor is Richardson will do the same. The Iowa Independent chalks it up to a desire to hurt Edwards’ chances with second round votes, damaging his campaign and potentially elevating Richardson into the #3 spot as the race moves forward.

It is better to let people think you’re a cocksmoking douchebag than to remove all doubt.

NBC late night host Carson Daly, who today announced that he is returning to the air in the face of the ongoing writers strike, wants his friends and family to help with his scab efforts. In an e-mail, Daly asked a small group of contacts to call in “suggested jokes” to a telephone hotline, noting that he would “play some, most, or all of your jokes on the air.”

I hope you’re enjoying your last few moments on a worthless show with crap ratings, scab.

Giuliani warns of ‘new 9/11′ if Dems win

Rudy Giuliani said if a Democrat is elected president in 2008, America will be at risk for another terrorist attack on the scale of Sept. 11, 2001.

But if a Republican is elected, he said, especially if it is him, terrorist attacks can be anticipated and stopped.

“If any Republican is elected president —- and I think obviously I would be the best at this —- we will remain on offense and will anticipate what [the terrorists] will do and try to stop them before they do it,” Giuliani said.

If only there had been a Republican government in power on 9/11, then all of this could have been stopped!

It’s articles like the one that Gilliard quotes that guarantee I won’t be renewing my subscription… ever.

After the poor kids next door took advantage of me, I felt sympathy for the people of Houston, who’ve suffered crime and violence because of struggling Katrina exiles.

Read more…

or are you just happy to see us?

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.

Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

…

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

I… I… ehhhh, there’s really no need to snark in a witty-yet-devastatingly-cutting way, is there? Res ipsa, baby!

Looks like the righty punditocracy is already afraid enough of Obama to start pulling the stupidest shit imaginable out of their asses in order to Gore-ize his potential candidacy. (if you don’t want to click, they’re comparing Obama’s sartorial style to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Because they’re linked, you see. Plus, “Obama” sounds like “Osama” … which is totally fun-nay! Hee! Kewl kids rule!

Hmm… Bush likes to parade around in military-ish uniforms. Hey, you know who else had a penchant for wearing military uniforms they had no right wearing? Herman Goering!

At least one of these two also liked drugs (cocaine and/or morphine). At least one of these two also liked getting sodomized while wearing a feather boa and fishnet stockings. I’ll let you figure out which.