Welcome to the American Taliban
The federal government’s “no sex without marriage” message isn’t just for kids anymore.
Now the government is targeting unmarried adults up to age 29 as part of its abstinence-only programs, which include millions of dollars in federal money that will be available to the states under revised federal grant guidelines for 2007.
Tell me again, righties, about the perils of the nanny state. Go on, tell me. You self-hating, closeted, repressed fingertards.
Actual conversation, circa Grumpy age 17, with my religious-but-otherwise-brilliant neighbor Twofer.
INT. car – day.
Two teenagers are having a conversation in the backseat of the car. TWOFER, an attractive, brilliant, religious Asian woman is talking with PREGRUMPY, a rationalist flowering along with his hormones. HANS, the teacher, is driving and oblivious of the conversation.
pregrumpy
These anti-condom, abstinence crusades are just ridiculous. We’re animals! We’re never going to stop having sex.
TWOFER
We are more than animals – what distinguishes us is our ability to control when we have sex.
PREGRUMPY
You really think we’re not animals?
TWOFER
Really.
PREGRUMPY
You know, sex feels good for a reason, Twofer. That’s why we have so many nerve endings in our genitalia.
Twofer stares at Pregrumpy, gobsmacked.
PREGRUMPY
What?
TWOFER
I wouldn’t know.
Apparently, Twofer wasn’t much for taking care of her own business much less taking care of it with another. Needless to say, we did not hit it. Which was, I must say, a rather unfortunate outcome. At least for yours truly… and my never-to-be-born 300 kids.
