Because I so would have overlooked George Clooney.

Who knew this guy would turn out to be sexier (the verb[fn1]) than a box full of rabbits on X, and sexier (the noun) than the distilled essence of eau de Grant mixed with the sweat of Lawrence Olivier?

People is doing one of those occasional series that magazines like that do, with the “before they were stars” series. Looking at the photos, Pitt’s always been gorgeous, Jolie is an outlier on the awkward-to-beauty path, Vince Vaughan looks totally different, the Tom Cruise doesn’t count because he was already a star by that point, and I am now absolutely convinced that I hate Jennifer Anniston. Check out that photo. You know she was a total Heather and a complete snatch patch (tm, Ms. Grumpy).

Then again, I could just be proje…. no, no, No, No, NO! She’s a total bitchsnark cooze who uses people and then disposes of them for her own evil schemes. She feasts on the still-beating hearts of cripples that she flies in from Malaysia in order to hunt them on her private, wheelchair-friendly preserve. She bathes in the blood of unicorns and Elliot (Pete’s dragon). And on the full moon, she steals the money the tooth fairy leaves underneath little kids’ pillows. Evil! Eeeeevil, I say!

OK, OK, it’s not a word. “more sexed” sounds lame. Sexed-ier, perhaps?