Grumpasaurus.com

INT. – MORNING
A phone is ringing. B answers.

SCENE.

Kenneth Lay, who rose from a poor preacher’s son to become a millionaire before being convicted of corporate fraud, died early Wednesday in Aspen, Colo., a family spokeswoman said.

Lay, 64, was awaiting sentencing after being found guilty of conspiracy and fraud in the Enron trial in May.

Few people have been responsible for more pain to more people in recent decades than Ken Lay. Fitting, then, that he’s a preacher’s son. Also fitting that he was one of Bush’s biggest and earliest supporters.

“Apparently, his heart simply gave out,” said Lay’s pastor, Dr. Steve Wende of Houston’s First United Methodist Church.

Obviously, this is a lie as he had no heart.
Obviously, this was a cabalesque hit, enacted by the same Clintonista hitmen who whacked Vince Foster.

If there is a Heaven, Lay is not there.
If there are souls, Lay’s was deficient.
If there is reincarnation, he will come back as a worm. Or possibly a leech, but I think that would just reinforce his cycle of lifetimes rather than break him out of his rut.

To the extent that his family and friends miss him, my condolences. To the man himself… good riddance. He was an immoral narcissist, focused on breaking whatever rules he needed to break in order to best benefit himself. He is an exemplar of what I consider to be inhuman. He enriched himself while ensuring that hard working blue collar workers now have to live with their children and have no retirement funds.

Even in dying he cheated the system by never paying for his crimes, crimes for which he never felt sorry, only caught.

And I was so looking forward to seeing him in penitentiary orange.

Update: Alternatively, it’s all a hoax (h/t to Chartoo in the comments)